I'm done being ineffective....

" Life as a Christian is one of constant repentance." ~Martin Luther~

A hard prayer to pray...

"Father, show me what I need to change to better reflect you"

This short, simple prayer can be one of the most powerful and painful prayers you pray.
Even if you think  you're doing great...

Things you need to know when you pray this prayer

1. He will show you your weakness, over and over again until you get it. through conversations, meditation, sermons, songs, other peoples trials, or even in the way other people treat you. If you don't get it fast...if you're not open to it..it will show in your daily life. In your peace or lack there of.

2. He will give you the strength to start to change it.

3. The change will not be complete over night, or in a week, or month, and so far in my case not even a year. I'm willing to bet not in a life time but you will notice changes as long as you consciously try.

4. Peace with yourself will come the instant you "get it" and start praying to change it

5. The same flaws have a way of showing themselves in different forms.

6 It hurts, it hurts your pride, it hurts your self esteem...but that hurt will make us better instruments for the Lords work, when we come to realize we are not any better than ANYONE else. A vine will not grow good fruit in perfect soil under perfect conditions. It must be pruned/stressed to bare fruit.

7. Don't pray this prayer if you don't want to change.

The first year I prayed this at the start of the year...I spent the rest of the year and am still learning just how selfish I am. Loud and clear in the still small voice in my head, in the moment after you said or did something selfish that caused me to pause. Selfishness.

The next year I prayed this and spent the rest of the year trying to be aware of my complaining. Which I soon discovered was rooted in selfishness, and so in other words I was still focusing on being selfless.

This year had taken me much longer than past years to get the answer. I'm sure I had it fast and just didn't listen to it or didn't want to, or because I haven't been as plugged into Jesus as before maybe my heart couldn't hear it. Boy do I have it loud and clear now. Guess what...that funk I've been in for near a month, is gone.

The verdict...Judging and guess what, it's rooted in selfishness.
Like I said, it's not a quick fix its a life long battle.

Now, if you are a regular reader you were probably like DUH most of my blogs this year have been about Judging. now I know to be aware of what I write about, it's usually pointing back at me.

So, whats next.
1. Find the cause, the triggers...In this case the negativity that surrounds me. Due to circumstances this fight could be much harder then if I lived in my own home. Is a large part of the reason I want my own place so bad.

2. Plug in. Spend time in prayer, and reflecting on God's word pray for the open mind and heart to understand what he wants you to do next. The  more I pray and reflect the more I get an idea of how to deal with it.

3. Do as he suggests (in my case nudges a little thought or idea) my first steps..Apologies, honestly this part terrifies me, because I have seriously done so much damage hiding behind self-righteousness. Boy does it hurt to admit that. However, often in life apologizing for being in the wrong is the only way to find peace. Even if the person doesn't forgive you. This time its mainly one person...I'm sure there are others but to start with I know it my heart its one specific person.

No one likes to feel judged and looked at. I'm sorry if I have ever made anyone feel such before. I struggle line dancing now, when certain people are there because I feel that they are Judging me. Knowing they don't approve of how I dance makes me uncomfortable and a little angry.
Is that how I make someone else feel? I sure want to stop if I do, but sometimes you get to a point where you're not sure how to fix it. You didn't even realize you were making them feel like that to start with, and they haven't said so at least not to you.

This is where trust comes in.

However, I know perfectly well I'm not to skirt away from the morals of my beliefs to make myself or anyone else comfortable. I have to stand by my beliefs I have to try to show them a better way, with out using those beliefs as a justification for bad actions and thoughts (as I have had in my heart.)  For judging someone else's life choices even when they go against belief isn't the right way to show them the way the truth and the life... because obviously NO one is perfect and obviously that is not love. We all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. 

I have no clue the inner working's of her heart, but I have a guild in God's word and a guess because, from the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. Our actions, our attitude our willingness to do the right thing selflessly, humbly, out of love reflects a heart anchored in the word. A reminder for everyone.

and just because you can't see it, or its not there at the moment doesn't it will always be that way.

 This does not make them a bad person, nor does this mean they would not be able to do the job elsewhere. This doesn't even mean we can't be friends or that they have no hope for their faith walk..It simply means they do not need to be in a position heading, or partially heading the churches main mission outreach based on where they are right now in their life. period. It's not personal it's a church thing.

Anywhere outside of my church I have no leg to stand on I understand that, I'm glad she works for my church if your're lost, or not sure, or don't know what to do it's a great place to start.

Nor do I have to show pity for someone dealing with the consequences of their poor choices, I also do not think they would want me to do that. It helps no one.  Show them Jesus yes, Love yes, encouragement yes, help yes, friendship yes...but pity no. Life is hard, and we all make choices and then have to live with them. Welcome to being an adult in a sinful and imperfect world. I know it sucks.

"This little light of mine...in the shelter of each other, we will live" I haven't been a very good shelter.

No more "why them and not me"...

No more silent condemnation, instead of showing Jesus love.

No more will these feelings and thoughts have any foot hold in me.

" I'm bankrupt without love"

I'm done being ineffective.

My Father the Gardner is pruning me so I can be productive in Christ.

Some bible verses that have been part of sermons the last few weeks that have played a part in bringing me to attention.

~Romans 11:18~
~John 15:1-8~

I'm broken....but I can mend.

You're prayers would be appreciated.