Its tough being a mother #1

It's tough being a mother in a consumer driven world. 

Christmas is a week away, you know that magical day where the kids wake up all excited. Run into the living room, to see all the gifts that magically appeared under the tree. With squeals of joy and smiling parents....you know the story. They are so happy they love love love everything. Yet less then 48 hours later most gifts are left un- touched and in the way. But man those few minutes were so much fun...

It's Christmas. Expectations for parents are high. No one wants thier child to feel left out. Media and advertisment play into this fear and tell you they have all the answers just buy XYZ. You NEED XYZ. Family members and Friends are watching...and suddenly the joy of the season is gone. 

I can't tell you how many conversations I've had in the last few weeks (since Thanksgiving really) about how stressed someone is, or how they already have too much stuff and are dreading the influx coming. Or saddest yet how they just want Christmas to be over already so things can settle back down. It's safe to say this season is overwhelming. That's not even touching on the fact some are grieving this season, some are hurting...

I'm there to but as a environmently consious minimalist mom it's even more because well I'm in the minority. Most people think I'm a quack. Let me tell you though. My house is clean, my gifts are wrapped and under the tree.(5 of them to be exact) I've not gone further in debt. infact we've paid off a couple hundred extra this month.  I'm looking forward to a chill weekend. I've learned to listen to myself and had to turn down invites to parties. I'm excited to give the gifts to my necies and daughter because they are full of thought and love. (My ideas on gift giving have changed drasticly in the past year. That will be a seperate post). Mostly I'm so excited to spend Christmas with my family. To celebrate Jesus. To love people, not things. 

Its tough being a mom, and you are not me...and my life style isn't yours I got that. But we all want our children to know the true meaning of Christmas and what better way to teach that then to model it? I was a preschool teacher...regardless of advent calenders, church services, or everyday Bible time..the children were still way more excited for presents and not the love that came down. Consumerism...Somehow within our 4 walls, and each in our own way we need to cut out the excess noise of the season. We need to prepare our hearts for Jesus and if we get so consumed in everything we think we HAVE to do  and HAVE to buy it wont happen. Our kids are watching always watching. The joy starts with you. carve out the time even 5 min with God and see where it takes you.

- we don't NEED more stuff

- we don't NEED more time in a day

We just need to shift our priorities

We just need Jesus

Love people, not things. There is so much magic in this season, hug your children, Love is magic. Toys will be forgotten rather quickly, but Gods Love, Gods Gift, Gods Power...that is forever. Less is More. So mom, no matter what your kids open Christmas morning it's the love and joy that makes it special. Take a deep breath. Take ahold of Gods gift of Peace and enjoy the season. 

Merry Christmas.

The grearest gift of all is Love 

1 John 3:16-18

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

The way we talk about student debt has to change.

Hi I'm Leah, I have student loan debt. I've been paying on them since 2009 have not missed a payment have not used forbearance. My original loan amount on one of  my 2 loans was $8,300.00. Today my balance is 7,774.00 I've payed $ 119-133 a month for 10 years. Do the math I've paid something like 14K on a 8K loan.... That's not what I signed up for. That is only 1 of my loans not counting my husbands loans. We are in a scary amount of debt and if the math looks like that on all of them its soul crushing. That is NOT my fault. Telling me I should not have took on the debt in the first place is not helpful. If anything its hurtful.

I worked hard through college I did community college for 2 years and had 3 part time jobs. I might have gone out of state, I might have got a useless degree but I also didn't take out loans for all 4 years so I feel I'm allowed a couple bad decisions. I love teaching, If I hadn't gone away I would be a very different person today. I would not have met my husband, I would not have my daughter. I would not have had the experience and the social growth I had finally leaving my parents. College is still the best time of my life and I'm loving parenthood. Yes I have debt. Debt I was told I would be able to pay off in 10 years. (which I did by double the amount) Debt that the interest rate has gone up, up, up and my balance hasn't gone down. Being told it's my fault and I should have worked harder through college and after is a pretty crappy thing to say to someone.

So before you throw up another go to trade school post. Remember if everyone went to trade school you would have no doctors, no teachers, no social workers, no human services.  Just be happy your passion and likes happened to be something you could pursue through trade school. I'm glad you don't have the cloud of debt hanging over your head. I wish it on no one. Yes I plan on encouraging my daughter to go to a community college or a trade school and work hard. I will not ask her to compromise on her dreams or her passions, I hope to set her up for a future that doesn't look like mine because honestly mine sucks.

Why do we have to focus so hard on the negative or the self?" Look at me I have no student debt because I went to trade school," "I got through school on scholarships. why didn't you? it can be done." Not everyone has equal opportunities in life and most do the best they can with what they have. So before you judge me or anyone with student loans take a second and realize you don't know all the facts you don't know what they had to work with. You don't know how many scholarships they applied for and didn't receive. You don't know what learning disability they have struggled with effect grades and test scores. You don't know ANYTHING.

I'm all for educating people on the troubles with debt. However, ,I'm not for making those that have debt feel worse for something I'm sure makes them feel bad enough already. For something they struggle with every single day. Lets change the way banks and government operates lets talk about what can be done for those struggling and for the future so the next generation doesn't have to. Lets encourage one another not judge. I'm not asking for hand outs but at 14K paid into a 8k loan I feel like I've done my share....

I'm happy student debt is part of the presidential discussion because I was lied to, I've worked hard to pay it off and I have nothing NOTHING to show for it in 10 years and my personal debt is much smaller than the average. No I'm not writing this so you feel bad for me. I just want you to stop and think before you enter the conversation on student loan debt and to remember to focus on encouragement, understanding and better future for everyone.

Yes my parents encouraged college, and if they could have helped me they would have in a heart beat. They simply wanted more for me then they had a neither went to college. They started the change the best they could. All 3 of their children got a college degree. Its got to start somewhere.

No debt is ever good. I wish I had grown up knowing that. My daughter will.
It stops here.

Company is coming.

I don't know about anyone else, but I use to freak out when I knew anyone was coming over. Maybe I get it from my mother or it’s that social anxiety thing. Company is coming? Que... crazy cleaning lady.  Clean clean clean clean clean...everything. The stress the exhaustion. I truly admire those people who are like eh, I live here, life is busy, let them judge. I just can’t do it. I’ve tried and I think that was worse then the running around in privet cleaning. I will admit more often then not I would just get out boxes and shove things into them to get out of the way while company was here. Then one day after company had left and I groaned at having to find something I needed it clicked. This is stupid. Not because I shouldn’t want to have a clean house, or impress company. This is stupid because it’s not sustainable, it’s not healthy, and it turns me into a miserable person who makes everyone in the house miserable. I would be so exhausted I could hardly enjoy my friends and family when they arrived.

 Stuff=Anxiety
That’s important to know my anxious friends.

and we all know I’ve been trying to respect myself and my triggers.

I don’t do that anymore. I’ve had people drop in last minute all summer and guess what it’s no problem. At this moment I am waiting for company to arrive and I’m not running in circles cleaning.  No more boxes shoved in the other room for this mamma. I haven't done that once in 3 months. My daughter is napping and instead of having to use this precious quit time doing chores. I can type a blog and play on my iPad. (Trying to not use phones and such when she’s around a big push to be present. No she does not get all my attention all the time that’s not healthy for anyone, but that’s a whole different blog that will be along soon)

So the effort was made to figure out what could be done different. As I said in a earlier post de-cluttering “minimalism” has already been a part of our marriage journey. The more stuff we let go of the less stuff we have to take care of...

Stuff=Anxiety

My kitchen is huge and I would say half of the cupboard space is empty. Counter-tops are mostly clear. 3 months ago it was taking me an hour and a half to clean my kitchen (that’s with a dishwasher) but I was determined to go to bed with a clean kitchen and I've done it with out fail for 3 solid months. Now it feels wired to even try to go to bed with it not clean. There have been a couple nights I wasn't feeling well and my amazing husband did it.  It wasn’t fun my husband even teased me about my “favorite pass time” but waking up to a clean space has really changed my life and my mood in the morning. I can enjoy my coffee and not worry about the mess on the other side of the wall I have to clean. I soon realized just taking all that time to clean was helping yes, but I was still miserable. How can I make this take less time? Another round of letting go happened and this one was a little harder but decorations I didn’t love but I did like were removed. Items that I use to use all the time but haven’t in a year or 6 months left. It didn’t matter if they could be seen or not. Things as simple and putting the knives in a drawer and the huge ugly block in the donation bag. The bag of coffee, and a stick of butter use to sit on the counter I bought matching simple ceramic containers to store them in on my counter.  Now if it’s sitting on my counter it is used daily. I’m not a big entertainer so removing extra dishes was easy (less dishes the less could pile up) I realize that doesn't work for normal people. The glory of minimalism is it can be what works for you. I kept enough for a setting of 6. It may drive other people nuts to try to cook in my kitchen but it works for me. I’ve found I’ve wanted for nothing.  A couple of times i have opened the cupboard for a cup and they were all dirty and I was a little annoyed. I just washed a cup and life went on. Last night I timed it without even doing the little bits through the day, the "before bed clean up" took 20 minutes. Just 20. Sustainable.

My kitchen is amazing right now and that’s after making breakfast and lunch for myself and my daughter. With maybe a 5 min clean up after each. Everything has a place, and everything I have is needed and used and loved. (With the exception of the mixing bowls and ceramic cook wear on my new open shelves, those were my grandmothers and they are so special. By letting other things go I now have the space to display them! (Minimalism isn’t about getting rid of EVERYTHING and living out of a backpack, unless of course that's what minimalism looks like for you then go for it. I personally like having a T.V. And a table and books) it’s about sustainability. Reduce and Reuse is focused on more than Recycle.

Stuff=Anxiety
Less stuff=less anxiety.

We have a one year old and only 2 cabinets in our entire house are baby proofed. That’s it. if she gets in any others she might make a mess, or find them empty, but she is safe. I complained the other day my house is to big. I look forward to someday having a smaller space (no I don’t want a tiny house)

Last night I learned company was coming. In that time I've spent no more than 30 min preparing my house for it. That is sustainable, I've maintained this for 3 months and yes I'm not working full time BUT that just means I'm in my house full time. More meals cooked in the kitchen more time spent in the living room...more potential for mess. Other then my daughters toys around which can easily and in less than a minute be placed back into their basket, no messes. Not enough to make a mess so big I can't clean it up. Not so little stuff that we are suffering. My house is my happy place, full of peace, calm, and simplicity. LIFE CHANGING. morning coffee is so relaxing (unless baby girl wake early and even then its not that bad)

Stuff=Anxiety

(other things do as well but this one is one of the few I can actually control that's a freedom in itself.

Is my house spotless, no, its lived in.  It just no longer makes me anxious.

Living life well with less.

Be Your Own Minimalist or Not

As a lot of you know my husband and I have been working on letting go of stuff for almost 4 years now. A transition started unintentionally when we moved into my parents basement and most of our "stuff" ended up in a storage unit for almost 3 years. When we moved out of my parents we moved into 450 sqft of living space. At that point we had a talk about paying for that unit to hold "stuff" we hadn't seen or apparently needed in almost 3 years. Was it wroth the 400 dollars a year? Was it worth shoving into our little space and making me anxious? No it was not so we let go.

It wasn't easy at first. There is fear in letting go. Fear of losing a part of yourself and who you are, a fear that you may need the item at some point ( I think in all the time there has been maybe 2 items I've wished I had down the road though I can't think of what they are now), a feeling of waste or loss over the money spent on an item, a fear of hurting a well meaning friend or loved one, who gave that item to you out of love.  That fear is real but for me so was the anxiety and inability to focus in my space. Lets face it the money going out for the storage was real as well ;). We also budget, meal plan and are working on getting out of debt so having "less" just makes sense.

When this having less started I hadn't even heard of the term "minimalist" I had however discovered the feeling of less and letting go and the lightness, and clarity that came with it. When you are a person already prone to anxiety anything that keeps it down is good.

Being a "minimalist" was easy when you lived in a tiny space and didn't have any tiny humans. Fast forward to the present. In the last year we have bought a house (1600 sqft) with an ungodly amount of storage buildings. We call it a compound. Naturally when people see the space their words are something along the lines as. "Now you have to fill it up" "What are you going to put in it?' We've also had a baby which apparently requires an ungodly amount of stuff. We've done it with less stuff then others but goodness.

Have you even stopped to think what kind of advertising/consumer/1st world problem creates the idea that because you have the space it has to be full?

No Thanks. We got rid of more "stuff" during the moving process.

I've now watched Maria Condo "Tiding Up" I listen  to Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus podcasts on minimalism. No I don't thank every item I let go of and yes I have more then a chair and a lamp in my house.  I think what I like most about the Minimalist movement is there is no set goal to be a minimalist you can make it what works for you. Its not a contest of who can have the least. It's a desire to find joy in everything and peace with your choices.

I still have a wall full of books, and one box I don't yet have the shelves to unpack. Its WAY less books then I moved from Milwaukee with but they are books that shaped me in some way and some I truly have a desire to read. If I find some of the books I let go of in hardcover I will probably buy them again as our collection slowly morphs from soft to hardcover. I have a closet full of cowboy boots. (like legit) and while my husband and I have a very minimal amount of clothing our baby girl has an abundance. (I absolutely love it) However unless they are my absolute favorites once she grows out of something it has been "let go"

I don't think our journey is over but I've spent a lot less time looking for cloths to wear, and picking up the piles on my bedroom floor. I've spent a lot less time cleaning and more time holding my baby. With "minimalism" I have found it's been easier to focus on sustainability and reduce the amount of toxic plastics and waste coming from my home.

I know people hear that we "cleaned out more stuff" and think are you throwing everything away. I know some will struggle to understand why. I don't want to be a parent whose child can't have more than 10 toys. Yet I plan to practice when something comes in something old goes out. Nor do I expect anyone to buy the kind of toys I like. My child is not going to like a toy any less or more if it's plastic or wood. However, we decided we will only spend money on toys that will last, that have more then one use, that are sustainable. We are grateful for gift received from others they will be used and once they have served there purpose they will be passed on. While we don't want to with hold from our daughter we also want her to grow up with an appreciation for what she has. To learn to hold on to the things that really mean something to her and not things she feels like should mean something or shes expected to hold on to. Her ideas of whats worthy of keeping or letting go of are going to be different then mine. That's really want "minimalism" is about. Finding what works for you. We have a desire to teacher our daughter how to care for the things she has and not grow up thinking if she breaks/does not take care of it she will just get another or there is something else in a closet or box to replace it. In a world full of disposable, instant gratification we hope to show her an appreciation, and respect for the world and things God gave her.

So if you give us something that we eventually "let go of" don't take it as we didn't like the item or didn't need it at the time. It's more of a making room for other things, and understanding when something has served it's propose or brought us joy for a while but is not doing either of those things any longer, we will more then likely "let it go". Though I don't thank every item,  there is something to be said for taking a second to appreciate either the item or the person who gave it to you as you "let it go"

It's not for everyone, nor do expect everyone to understand. It's not my job to force my ideas of whats needed or not on anyone. I may feel like it's not necessary while someone else will find the same item incredibly important. Neither of us are wrong we just have different needs. Lets stop forcing our needs on others.  We all have a desire to be understood and accepted for the choices made in our life whatever those choices are.

Also...anyone else singing frozen through this whole post? Sorry not sorry.