Hope for the Flowers....(a blog in stream of consciousness)

There's a monster inside me, inside all of us...

That, covets, worries, stresses, judges, rants,  raves, complains, and yells "ITS NOT FAIR"

God and it's so so right..
.its.just.not.fair.

some-days this monster hangs out right in plain sight;
                                                                 in tears, and yelling, and anger and bitter words...
Most often you can only see the monster in someone's eyes, mannerisms, or empty stare..
Sometimes it sneaks around manipulating people, taking advantage and sucking them dry.

other times you can't see it at all,

this does not mean it's not there, it's just sleeping lurking..
                 or pouting because he's being ignored.
and plotting..

.always plotting

calling on its advocates Satan and his demons laying in wait like a roaring lion waiting to devour you and me...

And this monster in any form, oh this monster can destroy lives, and bring down empires...

and demolish hope.....

Hope for the flowers, and the caterpillars, and the people...Hope in the general goodness of mankind...

Lately this monster has been riding me hard... real hard...fighting back...kicking me when I'm down...mocking me... trying to sever the last thread tying me to anything stable and good,

mocking
mocking
mocking
 me

with what I don't have, what I want, what I can't have... never letting me focus for more then a moment on what I do have and what effect I can have on the world where I'm at. from the over flow of the heart....your mouth speaks.

smell your flower....blow out your candle...breathe...

no amount of crying, no amount of whining, can make me whole with demons in the back of my mind.

Praying.
.now that's a different weapon...when that weapon is a habit...
it. will. be. deadly.

This is not my home..where monsters roam, and leap and roar...

I feel so far away....

hanging on by a thread...but it's enough...

because if there is hope for the flowers...then there is hope for me and you and them.

my thread is connected by a prayer...

and though I don't see it, I can't feel it and often I have a hard time believing it... the shelter of each other is there.  The promise of a lifetime remains..

I'm not sure
       what this was,
                 or is,
                    or will be...

but there it is.
I've got broken wings....

but

                                                     
                                                      Love Wins.