Honest with God...

A lot has happened this summer, and a lot I hoped would happen hasn't.

I'm not really sure where I stand on it all...

I'm not really sure whats next

We tried to buy a house....it didn't work out

It didn't work out. I've been struggling with those words with more in my life then just a house.

If you know me you know I have a strong faith. Or at least I give off the appearance of strong faith. When did this world take faking a smile and not complaining as proof of faith. "Oh she seems happy to me, Oh, shes never said anything to me" If we as Christians were a whole lot more open to the brokenness that is in this world, that is in our family, friends, and God forbid even you facebook, pintrest perfect life If we had a lot less look how perfect my life is... I think we would better be able to follow in the foot steps of the amazing men and woman of faith in the bible.

Why is it when a person reaches out in pain to a friend or a mentor that you very rarely get an acknowledgement of that pain. That it does indeed hurt to be in the situation you are in and it's okay to feel that hurt. Why is it when someone who believes in God with all their heart cry's out in anger and disappointment they are told "Have faith" or "God has plans" or "All in his time" I understand it's ment to be a comfort...Not these are bad things to say but lately I've actually been really annoyed and even angry when someone says them to me. I think we(myself included) all to often uses these simply because we don't know what else to say. Sometimes I think we should say sorry and let a person know they can talk to you about it. Or be honest and say I don't know what to say to help you but I am hear for you. Sometimes you don't have to say anything I'm to the point where I would appreciate an "that sucks" more then "God has a plan."

If everyone only knew how much I walk around telling myself God's got it....yes it's a good reminder but mostly I need to know it's okay to feel the way I'm feeling that Jesus understands and hears me in my pain. I think as Christians we are almost to anti-feelings that if you are upset you simply don't have enough faith in God's ability to take care of you and when you respond in the ways I listed above you quit possible add guilt and doubt to someone already dealing with so much.. I don't know about anyone else but when you are hurting for whatever reason...when something you thought was sure is suddenly seemingly impossible... When the next step just falls to pieces in front of you and you are left there with "whats next, when something you believed to be God's will that you had prayed over and mediated on only to have the doors slam shut in your face...... hearing that it's God's plan while  might be truth it's not really helpful.

What do you do when God has disappointing you?? Believe it or not, I think that means you need to get to know God better.

Moses was honest with God in his fear, and his doubt, and his weaknesses.

David was honest with God read the Psalms and hear his pain...and yes his anger...and through it all his hope. Always hope...Psalm 13...this hero,, this man after God's own heart wrote Psalm 13...

The only reason David could end this Psalm with hope was because he was honest in the first few lines.

So maybe when someone has a deep hurt, life changing disappointment maybe instead of saying "God has his plans" maybe ask them if they have said all of this to God. Maybe agree and say it sucks...We need to find a way to point people back to God without making them feel as if they are doing something wrong.

We need to be honest with God...like you are venting to your best friend type of honesty...and then you have to let him fill in that hole in your life with hope and trust. It's not going to solve the problem, it's not going to instantly change the crummy circumstances that is life.It's not going to instantly get you a husband, or a baby, or heal you..but it's a step to having a relationship with God unlike one you have ever had.

So if your hurting, or sick, or lonely, or watching life happen for everyone else....I just want to say that anger, that disappointment that question of why, that desire to scream and cry its not fair...

It's okay God can handle it let him have it. I've learned that keeping it in at least for me is not the solution. I hate to have people think I don't have enough faith in God. That i'm not praying and believing he will give me the desires of my heart because I simply hurt so bad in the moment. Or because I'm finding peace with the idea I may not get that desire...ever... it doesn't mean I'm not still hoping and praying and believing...it just means I'm living my life regardless of dreams that scatter and fall like rain.

A week ago I wanted to give up on dreams, and all that i hope for it just seems so.far.away. That's a lie when I started writing this post tonight I wanted to give up. I'm just done having drams and plans and goals and getting crushed. A lot of people go through big things and turn away...it's a pivotal moment in their life and I get that...I've even considered doing the same thing recently...

but that is not who I am, I was made for so much more and though I don't know what, or why, or when, and you may not either; I know that giving up is not an option it's just not who I am and you shouldn't either.

Don't make someone feel small because they hurt, or have doubts...don't make someone feel worse because they have feelings and emotions. Adults are more like children then we care to admit and our feelings need validation, and understanding just like the 4 year old who thinks someone is looking hat him funny, Even if you can't understand why this is a big deal to someone... it's incredibly real to them. Children, Adults we are all trying to survive in a world that is broken, filled with humans that are broken. We need to be honest and not make others feel bad for their honesty...We need to lift each other up carry each others burdens and pray constantly. So the next time someone vents to you about how unfair life is about how much they hurt point them to God and say "I love listening to you and being here for you but make sure you tell God all of this to" Tell someone to get real with God...

in nice words tell them
 Land sacks tell me
Shut Up and Pray.

Better yet...pray with them right than and there because sometimes when you hurt so big to the depths of your soul...praying is nearly impossible...

Amen.