Please Pray (A confession in stream of consciousness)

I figured it out...today...

I'm really struggling with my faith right now.

                the struggling...

it terrifies me.

How easy we...I...fall into the thought pattern when things go wrong of "Why?" "I'm a good person, this is not fair"                    

                                         I'm. Worn. and Oh am I ever

selfish.....

I know all the right verses... I know time and time again God has proven himself my strength and my shelter...and I know my cup runs over.

Knowing doesn't help the believing and Believing doesn't help the knowing.

                                                                         Pray.

                                                                  because I feel

                                                              like my faith is failing

                                                                  beyond repair

                                                                        Fear.

       It's the endless torment of the human soul, as old as Adam and Eve;In in the wake of a  slithering snake

                                                                        Fear.

                                                                  because I feel

                                                              like my faith is failing.

                                                                  All I can do is

                                                                        Pray.

And 

    just

       like

          that.....

In a blink, in a breath, in a tear, hope can slip away...give way...break away. When all that holds you up falls to pieces around you, what are you left with if not faith? 

                                                                                      re-evaluate who I really am.

God, your up to something, bigger then me....

                                                      bigger then this.

                              If I believe nothing right now, I have to believe that.

My bible gathers dust, my prayer journal is frozen in time....and even then..

                                                                                   time marches on... 

Oh, I'm tired

a tired beyond sleep, a tired beyond physical, 

I.am.tired.

of fighting the good fight....

but not tired enough to give in

not tired enough to surrender

"Because in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary."

Lord, help me in my unbelief.

                                                       

Renew my mind, and keep my heart alive....Only you can save me.

                                        Now in closing  brothers...and sisters

                                        pray, that our faith..... will catch like fire

                                        because the whole world,

                                        because you

                                                     because......... I

                                                                   need encouragement.

In the wake of hate, and pain, persecution...in the face of the world we are all at the same time sinners...and 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SAINTS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~. 

I figure it out today

I'm really struggling with my faith right now.

                            and the struggling...

it terrifies me.

So please 

          Pray.