Definitions

Infertile: adjective

not fertile; unproductive; sterile; barren: infertile soil.

according to jeopardy a couple is considered "infertile" after a year of consistent unprotected intercourse.

and.then.I.cried.

oh this battle I have, raging war within myself.... this knowledge that I am to trust in the Lord on his timing and his plan...and this longing to be a mother, to experience just what all my friends and co-workers have gotten to or are going to experience. To have what I think I deserve more so then someone unmarried and doesn't even want a child. To ask.

When.is.it.my.turn.

You would think my job would be good birth control ..I mean today was bad, the kids behaved badly and honestly I behaved badly...which is wrong of me, it did not help those children, my co-worker, nor myself. I could say it's just one of those days, but there is no excuse, I am to be content no matter the circumstance, and I am to do my job to the best of my ability for the LORD not for anyone else. I didn't do either of those things today. 

I.am.sorry.

I still want a baby...that desire in me is less intense lately

 then it was, but hearing the jeopardy question today, crushed me...

How quick we all are to exclaim "It's just not fair" of the list of unfair things in my life could go on forever. In the end... it's not important...to be on earth is NOT to be comfortable. 

Believe me 

childless, away from family, and in the city..

I.am.not.comfortable.

I often think of David..how many times did he call out to the LORD "when will you hear my cry? Or Job "Why do I have to suffer so, what have I done?" then you hear Jobs friends..."curse God and die"

David was a man after God's own heart; David made mistakes (adultery murder...) Job was a man of God. and God allowed to let the devil take everything from him....

Who am I to be ungrateful? 

If God decides I am to be childless, then I shall have to deal with that decision...But remember Sarah and Elizabeth...

I.must.remember.them.