Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Keys to the Kingdom.

For as far back as I can remember I've never felt stressed, though often enough I knew that I should...and I knew that I was...

but my body...it tells me I'm stressed and now that I finally understand..Stress is the reason for my insomnia through my first year of college..the eye twitch through senior year of college and the insomnia (not as bad but through out college at WLC)

The cramps that sent me to the ER 4 days before my wedding while I was on crutches and had to stop working about 2 weeks before originally planed....The same cramps the night I thought I had lost my brother...

It always starts the same...it starts with a sudden inability to sleep at night, to sleep soundly and peacefully to fall asleep. my body starts aching...and the thought of laying down makes me groan...

last week

The eye twitch follows next, probably because I'm tired and straining myself...

this week...

and probably closer to the end of summer....the cramps..

but I have something I never had before, I know what these things are, I know what they mean, and I know that I have the ability to hopefully not let it get out of hand...

Because I am excited, I am blessed and in about 108 days I will again pack, move, change jobs, income levels, and locations, churches....because after two years God decided it was time for us to step through the doors he had until this point been holding closed until we were sifted, torn, healed, and ready to be the proof of his love....somewhere else...where he knows we won't have as much church support, where he knows we will have less money, less space, and less time with each other...

Where he knows and promises..."this is my path...whether you turn to the right or the left...walk in it.."

I am stressed, and

I.am.full.of.hope.

hope in my future, hope in this world...

I am poring myself a tall glass of Jesus and I'm drinking in the life he sends down to me....As the weather changes, and summer comes...I have the choice, to act according to the way I feel or act according to the way God commands...So insomnia my old friend, my body might let you back into my life, but God's got the keys to the kingdom that he plans to give me....AMEN

Monday, April 22, 2013

In everything there is a time.

It's odd, a week when so much disaster struck in the world; earthquakes, bombings, fires, a young mom learning her unborn child might not ever see the world. For me in my own little world...could be one of the most thankful times I've had in years.

In everything there is a time, a time to laugh a time to weep...

and sometimes when these emotions collide all you can do is write so they do not tear you up day by day minute by minute.

Looking back at my life, it seems like I spend a lot of time waiting, I waited while friend after friend got engaged and I didn't have a husband on the horizon. I wait still as friends are having second, even their third child, and though I understand that now would not be a good time to have a baby I'm still waiting.

I waited as my husband searched and searched for a job in Michigan, I've waited to get out of the city...I've waiting and I've prayed and I've been reminded He commands "Wait upon the Lord" In all things call upon the Lord and he will make your paths straight". So, you would think after years of him proving to me again and again that he's got it; and he pours out blessing after blessing on me. I would have learned that by now the waiting is okay and it will work out. I'm not the first one to have to wait the Israelites waited decades to enter their promised land, Sarah waiting years to have a baby God promised her...

I've waited years to hear that someone I've prayed for for over 10 years finally stopped running from God and let him pick her up. One just one out of a dozen people on my list. The battle ahead of her long and hard, and with God...amazing. Always always we have hope and in due time we see the results of

never.giving.up.hope.

of faithful prayer.

So I stand yet again on the cusp of a new chapter of my life, knowing full well it is all the work of God. As I prepare to move, switch jobs, and leave a church that fills me with God's love that still whispers "home" when I walk through the doors, where is so easy to get comfortable...where the thought of leaving makes tears jump to my eyes each time....

To be on earth is not to be comfortable and all God has on this earth are our hands. So I've passed through a time of waiting and yet at the same time I was feed, I was taught, and I was given the skills the faith to step out again in faith, to a future we can never plan....knowing this is from God. Like the journey my friend is going to be taking in her new walk with God, even the seasoned, the solid, those rocks of people that you think can never be shock...struggle and all are still growing, learning, loving one thing and then the next...loving our way through life.






Monday, April 15, 2013

Small wonder

In the aftermath of the day, with terror and anger and sadness struck in our hearts..to see the pain..to know that runners bystanders and there family's are forever changed.

For me running was a way to keep breathing, it was freedom, today some lost the freedom forever...and the nation cries out "why" to what end?  I complain because I was to,d I should give up running...no one took my legs out from under me. I could run if I wanted too...I'm miles away for what happened today and yet..right there with them..I've ran, my brother runs marathons..how easily he could have been there...what about a different one. How the devil is laughing at us now, as we live  in fear as some give up on mankind and any belief in a greater good. As some fight a battle of trying to understand why a loving God lets bad things happen..

Look close and you will see...the people in this world fighting for the good.."do not be afraid im The Lord God of all mankind..."  Some things you won't see the little things people will do..that the world never sees...the Brutal acts of kindness...in a world that seems to be falling to pieces..yes in these uncertain times...

Even through this, hope remains..as you see people reaching out to help to love...doctors, officers, friends, strangers...in the shelter of each other we shall live and always..always God leaves a sliver of hope...

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you;do not be dismayed, for I am your God.I will strengthen you and help you;I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Small wonder but its a fair enough vocation to strike one match after another against the dark isolation, when spectacular arrogance rules the day and tries to force hope into hiding. I have a list of things I believe in, a birth a life and death a resurrection of my savior,  the joy of a friend finding a new faith in God, the smell of a summer rain in a quite woods, the stories a tree can tell, the calling of coyotes in the still of night, stars...and always always a hope in a future. Running so hard you forget who you are and what you have to do next...knowing in that moments from one breath to the next. You.are.alive.

And for those that was stolen for today I pray and I cry.


Some quotes used from Barbra king solvers book..small wonder.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Go back.

Tonight in church we talked about Jesus teaching and telling his disciples to meet him in galilee after he departs from them to save mankind. Now, what took these men so long to get there..they locked themselves in a room, then they tried to go back to fishing...

Now why would he want them to go back to Galiliee their old, boring home? To there old friends and their family...

They were called to go that is where they were going to start sharining everything they had learned while they were with Jesus and every thing they saw happen..they were going back to their roots alive, with a message they would not have had if they had never left an ability and a strength from Jesus himself. The great commission...go and make disciples...and they had to start in Galiliee.

I've written before of how I've felt called to my home church...I can't explain it, and sitting in church tonight it's going to be so hard to actually do it when the time comes. It's so alive there here at my church..

Yet one has to step out sometime to give back the blessing I have been given...oh, how selfish I am to want to stay in this safe thriving church with people I know and are my age...because its comfortable and I like it...

Galiliee, Milwaukee, Dowagiac....

To all the world...we are to share Jesus...

The peace I got with the message tonight..the weeks of waiting...about to come to an end one way or another..."Go back and I will meet you there"

Thank you Father. amen.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Kids these days.

I often laugh at the things I know about because of my school aged kids...I have this habit of looking up what ever they are going on about...I wouldn't know about angry bird if once they started playing I didn't download it and play it myself to see if it was okay or minecraft which if they can only play on creative because of the kids under 10 in the room. Or the chicken wing song which is ridiculous and fantastic...or gunman style (which lasted a day before I went home looked it up and was in shock that 9 year olds and younger thought it was the greatest thing ever.)

I'm just the childcare teacher...how many parents bother to check what there child is filling his or her mind with?

It breaks my heart 3 year olds telling me about watching the Texas chainsaw movie..or 8 year olds watching South Park...seriously parents where is your common sense?

How fast are we making kids grow up in this world with its technology. How many comments did I read through while trying to learn about Minecraft that complained about kids doing little else no more reading, sports...how easy is it to turn on the T.V. Let it babysit your kids for you. Hand them your phone to play a game instead of talking to them. If I had a penny for every time a child after school told me they were board...

It breaks my heart. Yes games t.v can be very educational, leap frogs and even angry birds teach you how to problem solve basic cause and effect..but so does climbing a tree, p,aging in the mud, reading, pretending. Are we coming to a time where our nations kids won't be able to function without technology? Are we already there, can you function without it?

Slow down, eat dinner at the table with your family without the phone or the pager or the t.v. Blaring, talk, laugh, do a devotion, sit on your porch...live without melting your brain... Breathe.

And be involved and aware of what your child is filling its  mind and heart up with. For

Philippians 4:8-9 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

What you fill up on will show to the world...what your child takes I. From media, electronics, peers,and mostly parents will effect the child for the rest of your life.

Amen.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

for years I've cried.

Small random acts of kindness that seem almost like a waste of time...

That person or in my case the persons you have known for years have prayed for for years...the ones that didn't understand you..you watched them find in their heart a small flame of belief in a savior..you watch that flame almost catch time and time again...and never stay...

Some you never see the flame others you come to the point that words the sharing of the word is not going to help...the ones you have to step back from and pray for..I weep for those....

To let go of that ever present pride...where you think you can save them...when in actuality it's going to be the Holy Spirit...to never quit on them even if they are not a part of your life..to pray each and every day for them...them that call you stupid, close minded, blind, hypocrite ..those who mock faith...maybe because of a bad experience maybe because of other Christians...maybe because so many people confuse religion with faith and just walk away from it all.

Whether its one person you've known for a few months or a lot of people you have know for years... whether centuries pass with no results...where you know that your actions have not helped their faith...for those that break our savior a heart...those that break yours.

Who am I to judge the heart and one day at a time the spirit knows..

I've prayed hours of my life page after page of my prayer journal dedicated to my friends, that are lost and year after year of nothing...I've fought through discouragement I've cried though church services

and over my bible..for those that think I'm stupid...or weird or judgmental..and they..they will never
know...and maybe someday down the road they will find faith...and it will be because someone else got through to them. Or at least you will have to struggle with the pride I you and the devil beside you saying why wasn't it you...

Lies....it's never me, who am I to want the credit for doing Gods work?  I pray each day for them a whole list of the Broken and now, now I have the chance to write a letter to one of them...a dear friend searching, reaching finally longing for something more...a letter to encourage her in her journey...and I find myself doubting my ability to encourage her at all.

I have all these prayers year after year night after night...God move in their heart as only you can do. Help me be the tool...and now before my eyes almost 10 years later I get hope again can I finally tell her why and how much I care...how long I've cared...and I doubt... Satan taunting  " you know she will fall away for. This it's just a stage she's done this how many times now...

Lies!

Oh, I need to write a letter but what do I say...how do you explain to someone your passion for Christ...and the power in Gods words...the knowledge he will help me...that the spirit will guild me...yes I will write and I will keep praying. And sometimes prayer is all you have...for years it's all I've had for those not in contact with me..and I look back on my past specifically high school and early college and I think of all the missed opportunities to share by example...

And how I strive each day to do better then the day before in letting my light shine...and how far I've come and how far I have to go..and I praise God for the journey and this one small maybe answered pray...yes, I will write her the letter...no more devil stopping me...

I'm not really sure why I've written all of this...just know that whoever you are praying for and for what ever reason whether its faith or a lifestyle that is against or father...just know you don't pray in vain,,,just know you may never see the results of your prayer and those times when you do; rejoice in the blessing God is placing before your eyes and let your faith be strengthened ..In all things give thanks and with prayer lift up those that are lost,..,day after day, year after year and who knows the small thing you do or give or say may lead them to someone else who will do small things or big things and someday....who knows and the mind can turn from this to that and a soul can be saved in a heart beat.

don't be scared to reach out to someone...try again and again....

Thank you Father
Amen.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Spiritually starved.

It's been a while had a fun and busy Easter weekend with my family.

I think it's amazing considering that I just went to church 3 times in 4 days that I can feel so far away form my father in heaven sure I was doing God during the koine services while at church..the power and the feeling of the spirit moving in the church...I wish I could just cling to it....

I go out in the world and I can't seem to read my bible let alone even pray...and goodness do I have a ton of stuff to pray about. I don't doubt God is there I don't doubt he loves me and he's Got it...just I can't seem to find the peace he tells me to have...like the father who brought his son to Jesus who was posed since childhood....Jesus he asked can you help us....Jesus replied..."


Mark 9:23-24 “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

So I ask father..help me over come my unbelief...because I spent most of this afternoon fretting about my future and trying to make choices before they are mine to make...

Grant.me.peace.


So I challenge you as we'll as myself to fight off the devil with the bible spend five. Minutes a day reading you bible...not a religious book or what not but the only true word of God do it for two weeks if not for the rest of your life and see if your life don't change or at least. Your perspective I. Life. It's hard to face the decisions and the world each day where religion is constantly thrown I your face as a negative thing.. It's hard to spend time feeding your soul in a world where you are constantly battered by computers, phones, sounds..and other mindless thing the devil likes to distract you with..as he has been me as of late.

Find the time for God so you can find the peace he holds out build up your neighbors, coworkers, friends, family..and as you pray for them never forget to pray for yourself...for Gods will...

Oh I could you use a clear picture of Gods will...

Amen