Oh, I worries me how much I didn't realize I disliked my job, until I had a few days of not having to do it. I tell you the past two days with the school age kids has been like heaven. Not saying they are easy its just my kind of hard.
I've been praying for excitement to start teaching 3K next week. New semester a break..I should be renewed and ready. I love the teaching part, and the lesson planning, crafts, and the bible story time...I'm justs struggling with the number of 3 year old's in the room.
I've been realizing my dislike for large crowds, which I have had for a long time; (10 people in a small space like my apartment is a large crowed to me). Is actually affecting my job performance. It gets hard to breath and I usually want to find a corner and just sit and watch. Who knew I had that problem in a room full of children, but I do. However in this scenario because I am lead is... I can't go set up snack or clean something to get my mind calmed down. No I have to be the one to deal with it to find some way to organize it. It's been a trial and error process and if anyone has suggestions most of my problems happened during transition times. For example when some kids are done with snack and we are waiting for the pokey eaters. Or waiting for a group to come back from the potty, or getting coats on.
I'm not complaining it's just something I realized I have to deal with, and it probably should have been dealt with long ago. I've never been one to shrink away from a challenge though and maybe this is training me for something more. Who knows.
Anyway, I realized what's so hard about getting in the word of God and asking him to help make you a better person. This usually means he points you too something about yourself that could be hard, or scary to change. It can more often then not throw a wrench in our nice and comfortable life we have created for ourselves. This 'everything is perfect and look how together I am'... the whole facebook mentality your life is either prefect or your life is one catastrophe after another. Each is a cry for attention, and I have been guilty of using social media both ways.
That's not how it works with God, you can't fool him... Shoot Jonah tried to run from him and he got eaten by a whale. What makes you think we; a sinner, can tell God we don't need anything we are fine? There is ALWAYS room to improve and yes though I can look back and say "Thank GOD I'm not where I use to be" I still look ahead and say " Boy but look how far I have to go"
No, to walk with God is not easy, nor comfortable, for we are not at home. My job might not be exactly what I want, I might not have the ideal number of children in my room, I might not have all the training someone else has... to do what I do. However, this is my God given job and who am I to not give it my best? It's never what I can do because when I try to do something I will with out a doubt fail, but with God...who knows!!
"So whatever you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." ~1 Corinthians 10:31~
Kid quote for the day. I had added new beads to the necklace bin, when I took the lid off one of my 5 year old girls said "Ohhhh these beads are so beautiful, I could cry" and it Made My Day.