I go through a couple of days where I just don't know what to write and then one day when I just want to write everything.
I love church, especially my church. I grew up going to a church that was my parents church it was never mine...it was never "home" It held no claim to me. The first time I stepped into my current church I knew I was home. However, recently when I visit my parents in Michigan I've felt "called" to their church...more on that another time I think.
I love church, I love how it fills me up, and I could just cry from the peace I have while I'm there. Now here is the question, why is it come Monday morning, I have such a hard time holding on to that peace? Why can't I be that full of Jesus everyday. I mean aren't we suppose to be. Isn't God suppose to fill us up so we can be a light in the darkness? So we can show others by our life? I try so hard, and this week...I failed so miserably.
I love church, especially when I get to take communion...when I get washed as white as snow...So maybe this week I won't fail quit as miserably ;) I'm sure I shall still fall short. It's the way the world turns.
I have dreams...so many dreams and as I watch other people move forward in their lives and I'm like...really? Yet I know; he's proven it to me again and again. He will in his own time and in ways beyond my wildest dreams, fulfill my hearts desires. As I watch friends: getting new jobs, having children, buying houses...How very very easy it is to fall into the devils trap of comparing their life to mine.
Oh, I know I'm being tested and the knowing doesn't make it any easier. I know it will make me stronger but that doesn't make it more understandable. I'm being called...and I'm on my knees...but waiting has never been my strong point.
He is calling me to faith...
Something is coming....I've barely tasted it...just a shadow...always always hope remains.
He is the way, the Truth and the Light.
He gives me hope in a future...
He gives me peace it's my choice to keep it.