Thursday, January 31, 2013

Our hearts always hunger for more

We all do it, look at someone else's life and go...I wish I had that!

Ecclesiastes 5:10 Whoever loves money never has enough;whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income.This too is meaningless.

It's sinful nature but what do we have...I look at my friends with children and my heart longs for that...I look at people who seem to be able to buy anything they sometimes we can't even buy food.

Ah but what do I have? What are others not showing...what do they bring before God?

Some children just hurt my heart...the things some of my three year olds know about the

I know I spend a lot of time going on about wanting children but more then that I want to be at a point in my life where I can adopt or be a foster's so nice to have a clear picture of what gods wants for me on my life..yet it's so frustrating to have to wait while he prepares me for what's not know how when or why...

But like Romans 8 says...who hopes for what they already have?

Romans 8:24-25 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

And in the hoping, in the waiting, our faith is being tested :that when it is through it may be of greater worth then gold. That is an encouraging thought.

It's that faith that keeps me smiling its that faith that like Abraham I pray is credited to me I righteousness...because by faith Abraham did all that God asked of him. Even when he had to wait over 100 years for the promise God made him to come true..

Abba father.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013


Somedays all  can do is pray. I know if I were to write tonight more then that it would be nothing but complaining...

Pray....just pray.

I'm truly a writer...sometimes we wrap ourselves up in a feeling to taste it so we can bleed it out on paper.  And sometimes I use that as an excuse not to trust God with my happiness...


Monday, January 28, 2013

Servant leaders

Every time I tie a kids shoe or help them put shoes back on, as I kneel there I can't help to think about how Jesus washed his disciples feet. How he served them humbled himself to them..even washed the feet of the man he knew would betray him.

To show them what humility show us.

 It may be the residuals from being a wlc student where the motto is "creating servant leaders" where they have a statue of Jesus washing one of his disciples feet in the quad. But each and every time I go down on one knee in front of a child I am reminded...i am nothing but his servant and how wonderful the fact I get to serve his children each day.

Something so simple so expected and normal when you work with three year olds can draw your focus   back to The Lord.  I am leading these children by serving them...congrats succeeded.

Can you find a moment in the mundane in the things you do that seem like nothing...can you find God in it? Will you stop for a second and thank him for it?

May you find comfort in the expected, the routine, in the fact that Gods got it. May you come to find him in each and every breath and action...and in  that finding, may peace be renewed in you again and again. May you serve as he served even those who hurt you...

May you truly be servants of The Lord...

So that his peace his love his hope may overflow in your heart and touch the lonely the hurting...the lost.

The children.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

There are years...

"There are years that ask questions and years that answer." From a book their eyes were watching God.

I can't he but hope this is a year for answering... After a year of why and when....

It's that restlessness again like a three year old who has been doing one thing to long...sometimes at night it's so bad I can't breathe.... I've found myself praying a lot..for his will to be made known..

I'll say it again.

Something is coming.

Tomorrow is the start of a brand new week. Again, maybe ill do better this week with my actions with my words. Even the best of intentions can be taken wrong. It's funny how when you are sick you act differently...

When are they going to learn...

It takes a lot to make me mad...and even more to keep me mad.

Unless its at myself..unless I know I let God and those I am here to serve down...then I hang on to that. Which is wrong if God forgives me, who am I not to forgive myself?

Sometimes I have to remind myself when people are short with me or upset it might not be me, they might not be feeling well or something may have happened at home or at work.. It's so easy to take things personally when you may be nothing more then another thing in a ever growing list of
frustrations. Isn't that the devils work? One thing after another he throws at you...

Trying to wear you down, so you're not so focused on God, so your angry or to tired to pick up the word and go to battle... Satan knows our weaknesses he knows when the load is getting large and we still Haven't given it to God..his goal is to keep us there...

"Be still and know that I AM GOD."

How powerful, how comforting how simple is that verse...

You and I are no exceptions to the sickness of sin...but we can be the example of forgiveness.

Teach me oh Lord humity and kindness, remind me oh Lord of your hope in a future..answer me Lord when I call...Lead me oh Lord to your will.

And as the children shout in my classes new favorite song.... AMEN.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Stripped of my hiding places...

 This is not going to be a very coherent blog tonight. 

Sometimes my thoughts turn into Macaroni and Cheese..and become mushy...

     We all deal with stress and pain and sadness in different ways. Me, I use to run, sit in a tree and read, drive, or my favorite Sometimes living in the city, in the winter, with expensive gas, bad knees, and no line dancing venues in a reasonable driving distance... I feel as if God stripped me of all the things I hide behind and in; to draw me closer to him. 

    So, with none of my normal outlets you might say. I decide to take over teaching a 3K class, I have no training in other then years as an assistant in the room. Then end up with a class size of 20 on a normal day....Sounds like a recipe for bad. Except the end part...God stripped me of my comfort to draw me closer to him. Oh, and in this learning experience how easy I find it to slip into that frustration and forget...they are 3...they are 3. and 

I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.

My co-worker was sad today...I think she handles sadness a lot like work, and you find something ridiculous and you laugh at it...and randomly you do odd things with no thought. Until you can distract yourself some other way. 

Maybe someday she will find the next step I take.


Because stripped of my escapes I've nothing much left; then prayer and faith and the hope of another day.


Sunday, January 20, 2013

He gives me peace.

I go through a couple of days where I just don't know what to write and then one day when I just want to write everything.

I love church, especially my church. I grew up going to a church that was my parents church it was never was never "home" It held no claim to me. The first time I stepped into my current church I knew I was home. However, recently when I visit my parents in Michigan I've felt "called" to their church...more on that another time I think.

I love church, I love how it fills me up, and I could just cry from the peace I have while I'm there. Now here is the question, why is it come Monday morning, I have such a hard time holding on to that peace? Why can't I be that full of Jesus everyday. I mean aren't we suppose to be. Isn't God suppose to fill us up  so we can be a light in the darkness? So we can show others by our life? I try so hard, and this week...I failed so miserably.

I love church, especially when I get to take communion...when I get washed as white as snow...So maybe this week I won't fail quit as miserably ;) I'm sure I shall still fall short.  It's the way the world turns.

I have many dreams and as I watch other people move forward in their lives and I'm like...really? Yet I know; he's proven it to me again and again.  He will in his own time and in ways beyond my wildest dreams, fulfill my hearts desires. As I watch friends: getting new jobs, having children, buying houses...How very very easy it is to fall into the devils trap of comparing their life to mine.

Oh, I know I'm being tested and the knowing doesn't make it any easier. I know it will make me stronger but that doesn't make it more understandable. I'm being called...and I'm on my knees...but waiting has never been my strong point.

He is calling me to faith...

Something is coming....I've barely tasted it...just a shadow...always always hope remains.

He is the way, the Truth and the Light.

He gives me hope in a future...

He gives me peace it's my choice to keep it.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

I'm really not that strong.

     Self general are hard for me, for work they seem impossible. I've never been much good at talking about myself. At interviews where they ask for your strengths ..I always want to say I don't have any God is my strength. Where do you walk that line of knowing you work hard at your job, and being prideful. What if you give yourself a 4 where your boss gives you a 2?

   Filling mine out for the first time I actually felt okay with doing it, like I get the reason for them I have weak points on it and strong ones. If taking over as Lead has taught me anything it's I have ALOT of both.

  Then you have the meeting part of the reviews, where you go in and compare your grading with your bosses and I am so guilty of this, I cry every time.... HA... Even if I know it's going to be brought up even if I gave myself a low score on the eval because I know it's a problem or I could do something better. I still cry.


    I've gotten better through prayer and well a new openness now to help. I can't do this job on my own, Oh Lord just thinking about tackling a 3k class of 20 some kids with out much training all by myself...No. Getting out of bed and making it through a work day would not be possible with out an AMAZING assistant, a helpful and caring boss, a supportive husband, and God. No, I'm no longer scared to admit when I need help. It's not a sign of weakness to admit you can't do something, or to search for a better way. It's the only way you are going to get any better at anything, it's better for the children, and yourself. Though some-days I may feel like Super Woman, I'm not.... I'm just Miss Leah...and I'm thankful that this does not all rest on me.

I am simply  a child of God.

Taking this one day at a time.

   Yes, Reviews make me nervous...but I no longer dread them. This one I need;I need to know how I'm doing what I can do better, and if I would even be considered to do it the following year....then from there I got to find ways to do it better. Even before I met with my boss just feeling out the form I found a couple of things that when I slow down and really look at it. I need to work on, even if I feel like I have been it hasn't been enough I can't give myself a 3 when I should have a 5....

 reviews can  pull you out of that comfort zone therefore they are necessary if you want to better serve the Lord, and your community.

Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, "work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,"

 I know this verse is taken out of context when it's talking about slaves serving their masters in bible time...but it's the same idea. Everything we do should reflect the Lord, and show his love..."in his perfections we are only a reflection" but it's better then nothing...

Find one thing tomorrow you can do better then you did yesterday...even just one thing can lead to another...till suddenly you are right where God wanted you to be the whole time. 

Wednesday, January 16, 2013


Infertile: adjective
not fertile; unproductive; sterile; barren: infertile soil.
according to jeopardy a couple is considered "infertile" after a year of consistent unprotected intercourse.


oh this battle I have, raging war within myself.... this knowledge that I am to trust in the Lord on his timing and his plan...and this longing to be a mother, to experience just what all my friends and co-workers have gotten to or are going to experience. To have what I think I deserve more so then someone unmarried and doesn't even want a child. To ask.

You would think my job would be good birth control ..I mean today was bad, the kids behaved badly and honestly I behaved badly...which is wrong of me, it did not help those children, my co-worker, nor myself. I could say it's just one of those days, but there is no excuse, I am to be content no matter the circumstance, and I am to do my job to the best of my ability for the LORD not for anyone else. I didn't do either of those things today.

I still want a baby...that desire in me is less intense lately
 then it was, but hearing the jeopardy question today, crushed me...

How quick we all are to exclaim "It's just not fair" of the list of unfair things in my life could go on forever. In the end... it's not be on earth is NOT to be comfortable. 

Believe me 

childless, away from family, and in the city..

I often think of many times did he call out to the LORD "when will you hear my cry? Or Job "Why do I have to suffer so, what have I done?" then you hear Jobs friends..."curse God and die"

David was a man after God's own heart; David made mistakes (adultery murder...) Job was a man of God. and God allowed to let the devil take everything from him....

Who am I to be ungrateful? 

If God decides I am to be childless, then I shall have to deal with that decision...But remember Sarah and Elizabeth...


Tuesday, January 15, 2013

They are the future.

It's so hard not to be negative these days, but lets real for a moment. The children in my room are worse then ever. I've been in some sort of childcare for near 10 years now and each year it has gotten worse.

Lets put it this way the amount the kids are focused on themselves is amazing they want it now which is normal..but the intensity and the ability to have it now is not. Some kids just want it now because that's what they get at home. Whatever they want whenever they want. Selfish (which is human nature) and Spoiled either because the parents can't say no or they don't want to hear them whine and cry.

The disrespect. I've always had a kid hear and there talk back but it was unusual to get 3 that did it on a regular basis especially after establishing myself in authority. We both ended up with a respect for each other.  But I have at least 6 kids that more often then not talk back, or ignore me or flat out tell me no.

When given choices "Share or walk away...give it back or don't play with it at all... say sorry or sit in time out. They don't even care they end up in time out or they don't get the toy at all. After a half a school year of consistency of: action and punishment do they still not believe me? They have no fear of punishment. Because either the parent has not control or they are to scared to discipline their child in today's society.

So lets sum it up.

in 37 years when these 3 year olds are 40 and I'm about at retirement age we will have a group of
Spoiled, Selfish, Disrespectful, completely immune to laws and regulations and apparently untouchable by punishment running the country and more then likely taking care of me?

Yes, kids will be kids...No parents should not be controlled by their child. But in this society

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."  Proverbs 22:6

I as a teacher can help to some extent these children...but it's really the parents who reinforce or undo that work. What a responsibly I have and how unworthy am I to be the one to do God's work?


It's scary looking at the future knowing the nature of human kind as we do, being a teacher and seeing the children coming up...Scary...


because even in the darkest of times we have a hope in Christ Jesus and a promise of heaven. For we are not at home.

So may you be a parent guided by God, abiding by the laws, May you live the life your child needs to see, be the example they need to help this country. May you be the teacher that changes even one life for the better, that reaches out even to the worst of children in love. May you find strength as David did in the Lord. May the Grace of God help you every single moment for they might be the future...but we are they example they will learn.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Calling you to faith

To have such a clear picture of what I feel God is wanting me to do and us to live. How do I explain the feeling I have? And why is it so hard to trust God to give me what he promises. I guess I don't really doubt that, I just have no clue as to his timing. I know I'm suppose to go to Michigan and I'm getting more certain dowagiac area every day. Yet what if I'm wrong or there is another step that he hasn't put on my heart?

,my husband is applying  for jobs all over some a couple hours away from my family some close by. It's close to my family but further away from everything. I mean at least here I have friends in driving distance.

It's like your whole life is a balance of good and bad choices and there is always this fear of choosing the wrong one... And sometimes I wish my choices were as easy as one of my three year olds I can chose to listen or go to timeout. I can chose to share or walk away.

Why is it so hard to step out in faith? Why is it so hard to wait. We as humans are impatient but this society this world better faster now...the art of waiting, dwindling. "Be still and know that I am God." When is the last time you have been still? Just sat and rested in the presence of your Lord.

For me it's the city I can find no where quiet...for some that is where they can relax and be calm. Find a place make it yours and be with God. Only he can lead you to where you are going and how can you hear him if you don't take the time to listen. It's not only good for your mental health but is a rest for your soul. After taking in so much of the world...I know I can use a little time I. The wonder of his grace.

It is my prayer, God shows you his will. And for all our planning, Gods are often different. May you be bold in your faith, kind in your words, and genteel in your actions, may what you do strengthen others. And may you remember...

When God stops reviewing, right before the important part...that is when he is calling you to faith.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Whatever your will.

I don't have much to say tonight...

"I don't know where to go from here, I"m done fighting I'm finally letting go...if there is a road I should walk, help me find it. If I need to be still give me peace for the moment.

Whatever you will
Whatever you will


@Sidewalk Prophets "Help me Find it"

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Helping others, Helping yourself.

Last night I had a friend call me up, we have this thing we use to do; where if one of us was upset the other one would just sit and read Psalms to the other. It was a wonderful thing and it honestly helped me get through a lot, in fact that year or so of solid time with her was probably one of the biggest journeys of faith training as I like to call it that I have every had. Other then the past year.

Last night she calls, and I read, and as I'm reading words of comfort and encouragement ...Psalms I've read again and again. It never stops amazing me how I can read the same thing over and over and find something new each and every time. That's the living word for you. It's funny though I'm reaching out to my friend, frustrated because I'm a zillion miles away and I can't hug her and I can't hold her hands and pray with her and I feel so


So I read as my heart is breaking, and her heart is broken...and I read lines in Psalm 18 such  powerful writing and I'm going this is what she needs and suddenly I'm this is what I need. From the first line

" I love you Lord, my strength." That line right there is like a calming breath, when you realize the Lord is your strength, you and I beloved are not strong enough with out the Lord. How wonderful not to have that responsibility.  How wonderful to reach out to comfort and friend and find comfort for your soul.

He reach down from on high and took hold of  me;
he drew me out of deep waters...
He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me." 16, 19

That last line he rescued me because he delighted in me....He our God delights in me? Why? because he is love...he is everything and everywhere and he delights in me.

Shouldn't that make it easier to "Delight yourself in the Lord?" ~Psalm 37~

As the kids whined at me today, as they threw tantrums, as they I got annoyed and frustrated..I prayed...and you know what, this week has gone by fast and for the most part...


May you find someone to reach out two, and in the reaching heal a peice of you. May you receive the peace of love the grows in your heart when you help someone hurting. May you be a shoulder, they ear, and words of comfort, the reader, the prayer, the inspiration. Oh, may you pass it on, and pay it forward. Take the gift of the word, of God's Love and share...I tell the children everyday...Sharing is caring. May you grow in grace.

"my darlin', says the Lord keep watch be ready for a storm"

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

What's in your heart?

A child is so blatenly honest. If they are scared they tell you. If they don't like your shirt they tell you. If someone makes them mad they tell everyone. They tell you how much they pooped. They tell you if they like your hair style that day. Honest sometimes to a fault...

Oh, but to have faith like a child, how honest they are when they tell you they get to go to heaven. How excited they get to talk about baby Jesus, or when they know the answer about the bible story. That simple whole hearted

I can't seem to make it through one day with out doubting, complaining, freaking out, getting frusterated... I can't seem to fully trust God.

Maybe it's because I'm not full enough of God. Like I said a few days ago...sometimes I feel like something is coming and I have to get I can't get enough God time in...why don't I feel like that every day?

" from the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." Or "from what the heart is full of the mouth speaks."  ~Matthew 12:34~

What comes out of your mouth? Obviously if I,m complain there is not enough of Godly thoughts in me. When I talk bad about a co-worker obviously I don't have enough of Gods love in my heart. Who am I to think I'm better then anyone else who am I to think I can do anything even love....without God?

At the end of the day can you go to bed knowing that you have God in your heart? Can you go to sleep knowing you tried the best you could to speak life, love, and hope? What kind of power could Gods word give you for tomorrow...what peace?

You need to take in God to be able to share God.

Love is action, therefor love is a choice.

If God is love...then the choice is easy.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

What do you show the children?

How many times in your life have you been told "Be yourself" and how much time of your day do you actually do it?

Someday I think I'm fortunate to work with children...I'm insane, and they accept me.

So I have an evening to myself, I tell you after a day with a bunch of kids, "me time" is precious and I can't imagine what it will be if God ever does decide to bless me with children. When I'm alone I do normal activities, but I usually talk to myself the entire time. I have a whole imaginary life...since I was like 12. It's like a never grew out of let's pretend. So yes now your thinking something is wrong with me. But really when you know you are completely alone what do you do? Sit there all prim and proper or do you dance around, make funny noises, fart?? Do whatever it is you want however you want. That's the you that God wants. The you that no one else ever sees....are you bold enough to give him that? To be real with him? Do you pray to him because you should? Or do you pray to him because you are human, and insane, and you.need.him? Because we all do.

It's not so easy to "be yourself" in the world, nor do I think it is good advice because who we are, our attitudes, or moods, or feelings, or actions are all a choice. However, I think with the ME ME ME "please yourself" philosophy it's getting easier to take the words "be yourself" and live them what end? If we were to be our-self  being sinful from the time we are conceived. What would happen?

To be yourself is to be a sinner....but we are not that; we have been made new in Christ. We are not a slave to our sinful nature thoughts desires...We are loved, therefore we can love.

We are Children of God.



Because the children of the world, see you and you lead them...and it's a wonder and power to serve the children.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Enough for each day.

   Thank you God for a slow start up; only 15 kids at one time today instead of 20. As sick as I am and how much sleep I got last night, I prayed all the way into work for the energy and the strength for the day. He never give me more then I can bare. I'm at the other side of the work day and guess what...I got

  That's all you ever really need is enough grace for one day at a time. That's all God gave the Israelites in the desert one days worth of mana.

We say it in the Lords prayer "Give us each day or daily bread" we don't say give us the bread to make it through the day at a time...walking with God.

Its comforting to know that no matter what looms in front of you in the day God will get you through every time all the time. Maybe not with out tears, or hurt or frustration..but always always you get through. Just think for a moment all those days in your life when you wake up and think. I can't. How can I? and guess what...

That's God and that's grace and he lived and died to give it to you.

something is coming...

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Somewhere a strom is coming.

    Every now and again I get a feeling, just this thing in my heart or soul that says...something is coming prepare for battle. It's when I feel like this, that I also feel like I can't get enough God time in. Like should not go to work, not do anything but read the bible. Tonight this feeling is keeping me from sleep....  Sometimes I can pinpoint just what area of my life is going to be tested. Sometimes I tell my boss. "A storm is coming here" other times I sense it's a friend who needs me to pray.

"On your knees Beloved"

The feeling or the calling to pray for someone has been on my heart so strong it has woken me from sound sleep. An overwhelming and strong emotion...sometimes I don't know who I'm praying for or if I do I don't know why but I just know they need prayer. Right. Now. .


It's not a worry, it's not a forbearing it's just a feeling that I need to get ready the verse "Be on your gaurd" even though it's talking about end times; go's through my mind over and over and over.... This time in my heart I feel its going to be a personal strom, and it's hard right now not to be like "Really God? This past week or so hasn't been a strom enough?" 

"Trust me Beloved"

I feel so unstable mentaly right now, just so frusterated and on edge...something is very very wrong I've sense it for a couple days now, but tonight watching the emptyness of that bar it grew..Watching the saddness in a dear friends eyes. The hurt of my co-workers

"I AM here Beloved."

This week has just been wierd. There is no other way to describe it the high and lows




"I will answer you Beloved."

Friday, January 4, 2013

The Spirit Will Lead

   I'm and English major, yet I can't spell as I'm sure you have noticed, and more often then not words fail me. So when a friend or co-worker comes to talk to me I'm always worried I'm going to blow my chance to help. So I find myself carrying on two conversations at the same time, one with said person and one with God.  Even when I know, God is helping me I more often then not leave the conversation thinking I could have done so much better. Really though I did the best I could and the rest is in God's hands.

  I remember something my pastor told me once, if you want to have the answers you have to feed your heart and soul by spending time in God's word. The more I can take in the more tools and verses I have to help others. If the fact that you should read the bible every day isn't enough maybe the reasoning that by reading the bible everyday you will be better able to serve and help others.

  Oh, how I wish I could fix the world, and more importantly how I wish I could help my friends with thier hurt and saddness.

  I will say it again these last couple of days have been amazing yet, I miss the 3 year olds when they come to the gym I hug them all. Why is it I'm such a walking contradiction. It's not that I don't love the 3 year olds, more often then not they make my day and the idea of being able to help them start thier relationship with the LORD. How amazing is that opportunity to share the Love of God with 20 child on a daily basis..

I. have. to. hold. on. to. that.

because during the bible story....being on earth if finally comfortable.

Tonight I want to pray for marriages, and for the fearful and the lonely, for the hurting. May they find renewal, may they find comfort, may they find a way to place all there hopes, fears, and hurts in the hands of God and may God lead them to peace and blessing.


Thursday, January 3, 2013

Who Knows?

    Oh, I worries me how much I didn't realize I disliked my job, until I had a few days of not having to do it. I tell you the past two days with the school age kids has been like heaven. Not saying they are easy its just my kind of hard.

     I've been praying for excitement to start teaching 3K next week. New semester a break..I should be renewed and ready. I love the teaching part, and the lesson planning, crafts, and the bible story time...I'm justs struggling with the number of 3 year old's in the room.

    I've been realizing my dislike for large crowds, which I have had for a long time; (10 people in a small space like my apartment is a large crowed to me). Is actually affecting my job performance. It gets hard to breath and I usually want to find a corner and just sit and watch. Who knew I had that problem in a room full of children, but I do. However in this scenario because I am lead is... I can't go set up snack or clean something to get my mind calmed down. No I have to be the one to deal with it to find some way to organize it. It's been a trial and error process and  if anyone has suggestions most of my problems happened during transition times. For example when some kids are done with snack and we are waiting for the pokey eaters. Or waiting for a group to come back from the potty, or getting coats on.

     I'm not complaining it's just something I realized I have to deal with, and it probably should have been dealt with long ago. I've never been one to shrink away from a challenge though and maybe this is training me for something more. Who knows.

     Anyway, I realized what's so hard about getting in the word of God and asking him to help make you a better person. This usually means he points you too something about yourself that could be hard, or scary to change. It can more often then not throw a wrench in our nice and comfortable life we have created for ourselves. This  'everything is perfect and look how together I am'... the whole facebook mentality your life is either prefect or your life is one catastrophe after another. Each is a cry for attention, and I have been guilty of using social media both ways.

     That's not how it works with God, you can't fool him... Shoot Jonah tried to run from him and he got eaten by a whale. What makes you think we; a sinner, can tell God we don't need anything we are fine? There is ALWAYS room to improve and yes though I can look back and say "Thank GOD I'm not where I use to be" I still look ahead and say " Boy but look how far I have to go"

    No, to walk with God is not easy, nor comfortable, for we are not at home. My job might not be exactly what I want, I might not have the ideal number of children in my room, I might not have all the training someone else has... to do what I do. However, this is my God given job and who am I to not give it my best? It's never what I can do because when I try to do something I will with out a doubt fail, but with God...who knows!!

   "So whatever you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." ~1 Corinthians 10:31~

Kid quote for the day. I had added new beads to the necklace bin, when I took the lid off one of my 5 year old girls said "Ohhhh these beads are so beautiful, I could cry" and it Made My Day.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Speak Love

   Seems like the theme 'we are not at home' slips into all my blog entries oh but it's so true, all the hurt in the world I mean, it's like this year has started out rough for so many people. It's funny, how I can be so wrapped up in my own world, with my own problems; oh woe is me. Then a 6 year old girl within the first 5 minutes of work can basically put in perspective the littleness of my problems. and here I arrive again at...]

It's not about me.

  Oh, if there were a way to help my friends, my co-workers to just fix all their problems. To be limited the way I am, to be afraid of reaching out; with God's love and promises, because I think they already know it or they are going to reject me. To draw that line between sticking your nose where it don't belong, and really just wanting to help...

   One thing I do know. I love my husband and I thank God for him each and every day.

   So what do you say to a hurting and emotional six year old who doesn't understand why. What do you say to a young mother who is shrugging it of like it doesn't matter and it doesn't hurt her. What comfort can you give these people in a world that just keeps handing out love, and hope, and dreams then crushing them. How do you tell someone who just lost a loved one, or a young mother watching her marriage fall apart, or a young child who doesn't know why dad isn't going to be there in the morning. What good could I really do for these people? If I feel this helpless, how do they feel.

and I

Sometimes I think I feel too much, but maybe that's God's heart I mean if I feel this sad for hurting people how sad must God feel when he feels everyone's sadness at the same time...can you imagen the torment of the cross? Where would the drive be to help if not for the need? Oh but it's not fair this broken and bleeding world.

Why am I so afraid to speak love, speak hope? Even if they have heard it before, even if it doesn't sink in even if they do reject it...what if it helped somehow, someway, someday and I didn't have the courage. . What if I didn't help someone to find the faith?

How is this world ever going to get better if the people that feel others pain don't reach out. So tomorrow reach out and touch somebody, with words, with kindness, with listening, with a hug, with a gift...Because we are here to serve not judge...and to share the love of God.

Because by the end of the day, my heart

Song of the day: (Toby Mac: Speak Love)

Tuesday, January 1, 2013


Happy New Year....

Looking forward, not looking back, though last night was a blast. We watched two dear friends get married, and met some very great people. As well as reconnecting with old friends.

I' m truly blessed in life, with Christian friends and family...maybe not money or where I hoped to be this point into the marriage; location, job, children? no idea but I do feel like this past year, more specifically the last half of this past year has been trial after trial, so I can be stronger, this calling I feel, well this is my training  (thank you Dana for giving me a way to look at this) and God well he never promised us a rose garden. Yet he dose promise to bless us in all that we do, to give us our hearts desires. If we delight in the Lord, love the Lord, obey the Lord.

If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come on you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God:

You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country....

6. You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out.

Deuteronomy 28: 1-3,6

It's so easy to write it, to hide behind this blog, this computer in this day in age, everyone can show people what they want to see...Sometimes it's easy to hid behind bible passages...

I cried yesterday, like crazy because I am weak, and I may know all these things...but it still hurts it hurts to be alive. Oh, I am reminded every day I am sinful, and that being sinful you forget to do things, or you crash cars, or you get lost on the way to a wedding....Yes, we need prayer. Because yesterday it took my husband breaking down to realize that I was behaving badly.

things. go. wrong.


God's. got. it.

It's so hard though, to believe that sometimes... and it's no wonder that most of my new years eve posts are cynical...So that is it no more new years eve posts...just new years day.  And I have the hope of Gods blessing, for I can endure the storm one more day, so that I may fully appreciate the calm.

One day at a time he leads you on, then suddenly one bright morning.....