Saturday, December 28, 2013

Some things never change.

Proverbs 18:24
One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother
John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
Bob Marley
“Friendship- my definition- is built on two things. Respect and trust. Both elements have to be there. And it has to be mutual. You can have respect for someone, but if you don't have trust, the friendship will crumble.”
Stieg Larsson, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
“You have a good friend that really cares for you and tries to stick in there with you, you treat them like nothing. Learn to be a good friend because one day you're gonna look up and say I lost a good friend. " ~Monroe~
Learn how to be respectful to your friends. How to reach out an don't forget now and then it wouldn't hurt to go out of your comfort zone and prove your desire to be a friend." It doesn't matter what you have been through, what you have gone through or how much you have changed. If you have never put in the effort to maintain a friendship there is very little holding a friendship together. One sided loves soon grows cold and dies...or burns hidden and deep in hurt.
I know I'm not the easiest person to be friends with in the world, I hate phones, I don't do bars, or large parties. But if you need me at 3 in the morning I've been there, I've gone through years of silence and still answered when life has screwed you up so bad you didn't know what else to do. I'm always up for a quite night of games, and beer, movies...
Yeah you've helped me when I've drank to much, honestly some of my strongest memories of you are the times you helped me while drunk...and one letter about a year ago.....and yeah that's great but shouldn't friendship be more then drunk moments of kindness? No one likes to be an afterthought.
Friends don't leave for a year to another country, then neglect to tell you that they are in the country again until nine days into their visit. Even that would not have happened if another friend hadn't had an after thought to tell you in a text.
Friends don't say oh, I'll get a hold of you and we will have lunch and then don't call...I'm sorry, they just don't.
However, it's always been like this and I'm not surprised...
surprised I'm hurt...but not surprised.
I have some pretty amazing friends, friends that give back, friends that try. I thank God for my friends, and the blessings they bring into my life! So here's to a new year,  and to seeing some friends I haven't seen in a while. Milwaukee here I come!!!

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Cyber perfection.

It's nice to plan isn't  it? To hope and dream of the future, to have goals, and boy does it ever feel good to reach those goals. When your like oh man, this is just great Gods showering me with blessings. It's nice to have moments when you just feel completely and incandescently unstoppable.

"I know the plans I have for you declares The Lord."

We love to plan, we plan parties, vacations, weddings, showers, meals, dates, we even plan out almost every second of our day...what a wonderful wonderful freedom it is to plan, something we take for granted. What a huge huge blessing.

I know the plans I have for you...

We love to plan...which is fine.. But what about Gods plans? What about when things dont work out...we something don't go according to plan.

What happens when God says that's not for you?

Do you become inconsolable, controlling, angry, emotional, frustrated, do you lash out to retreat into yourself? To you call someone and share how out raged you are?

You've dreamed of marriage since you were a little girl, you've been the bridesmaid in all your friends weddings, your tierd of hearing "oh when are you going to get married? When thier isn't a decent man in sight to even go out to dinner with? How is it you can plan and dream and desire and go without?

Watching someone get the job permotion you wanted...watching friend after friend buy a house start a family do all those things your suppose to do seemingly without any hitches or problems?

"Thou shall not covet..." "I know the plans."

It's the gloriousness of free will...we have the right to plan, to dream..and it's the wonder of God to give us just what we need when we need it.

I've been talking a lot of the future of having my own place..not my parents basement, of starting a family or a foster family. Of having my niece over for sleep overs at our house..for trips with my husband...all the things were're going to get as soon as he gets his masters and gets a job..

Because apparently living in an a place for free, living here and now, One day at a time isn't enough...

More often the not lately I want to delete facebook..because I swear if I have to see one more pregnancy announcement photo done up in some cute way I'll scream..if I have to see one more status  about how perfect someone's life is..I'll rip out my hair..

Why do I hesitate to put up a status that says "I messed up or I need prayer? Or guess what world my life ain't perfect, I'm not perfect and I'm not always happy. Nothing is real anymore..not music, not liturater, half the time pictures aren't even real. We all have to be creative, crafty thrifty,
modern, fashionable, oh God forbid you leave the house in sweats if your not going to the gym..heck go to the gym in sweats and still fell out of place among the fancy zumba gear, yoga gear, running gear.. Advertisement is brain damage...

Keeping up apperiances occupies 90% of our day anymore, and that leaves 10% for or family's friends, hobbies, rest, and seemingly last our walk with God...

No wonder we dive into the cyber world to find comfort..escape...and a zillion more reasons to hate what you have, how you look, and what you do.

That's the American dream people, this seemingly endless need to prove your worth, your intelligence, to have the next best thing Now...because your plans can't wait..give me give me..look at me look at me...I want I want I want. This narcissistic tendency to compare your life to others... and when you have weight and measured yourself and have fallen on your face with manure in your hair.. just join them and post how perfect your life is because God forbid that person you haven't spoken s
too since high school see's you as less then perfect.

I'm guilty especially lately, oh so guilty of wanting and wishing and coveting...and only showing my pasted on smile of markers and glue.

"For I know the plans..." God has the yes dream, better yourself, create, live and please please screw it all up..because that's REAL. That's life..

We live in the hallways..sure we go in a room and it's full of joy...then to another full of sorrow..and we always and forever return to the hallway to go on because that's where life happens.

You can be right and wrong at the same time.

And God will forever be sitting there saying "yep"

You can plan, and hope and dream...and God will just say "yep"

Dreams may change, hope might weaken, and your plans might be a disaster and God will just say "yep"

Just yep

Now I'll share this on facebook...yep.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

I'm tired.


A word...a companion for as long as I can remember...
winter a trigger.

I haven't written a post..because I don't think I can without whining.

at the same time I haven't picked up my bible
or my prayer journal

because why?

Because I'm depressed...because I haven't been feeding my soul...which makes me depressed.

Maybe depressed is the wrong word...I'm just off, meh, blah...

How is it my husband is so wonderful? How is it he never complains, cries, or even gets angry? All he does is work, school, internship, homework...and he doesn't complain. Yet here I sit complaining cause I don't get to see my husband, crying because I miss St. Marcus, upset because there is no room for anything in this house. How is it my husband is so much better at dealing then I?

 I've spent the last 3 days with family and it's been great...but I'm exhausted. 

Im like a child, I get over stimulated and then I break down. 

where is my armor of God? how did I let myself become so sloppy in its upkeep?

I'm tired, tired of money, tired of feeling like I shouldn't have the feelings I do about things and not being sure how to go about dealing with them. I'm tired. Im weak, I'm worn.
thank God even though I have starved my soul...
I am safe in Gods arms.

I pray for all the things in my heart, I can't share, I can't say. I pray..and the spirit knows..

come Lord Jesus.


Monday, November 11, 2013

Give Thanks with a Grateful heart,

It's November, and if your on facebook much at all I'm sure you have seen the never ending parade of I'm thankful status. It's a wonderful idea but why are status not reflecting our gratefulness all year around? Why do we have to drown our news feed in them for one month a year?

"Oh give thanks unto the Lord, for he is good." Psalm 107:1

"Rejoice in the Lord always, I say it again..rejoice" Phil 4:4

"For this is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it" Psalm 118;24
doesn't really give you much room for being upset, angry, or for complaining does it.

Oh sure, I'll throw a status on facebook, "Thank you God for my husband"...and I'll turn around to my co-worker and complain about how I hardly get to see him or, how he didn't do the one thing I asked him to do..where is my thankfulness then? Is it just a show for the masses...look how great my life is, how good and thoughtful of a person I am. Is it a true reflection of your heart. Boy.I don't know about you, but I'm not very good at being truly grateful.

Actually I'm rather wretched at it. It's personal battle this past year especially with the lose of pets and the hard to digest's rather easy for me to get down. Regardless of the fact I'm close to my family again, I get to line dance again, I got to see fall in the country. It's hard to be truly grateful and it's even harder when you have to extend that gratefulness to another. To be happy for somone getting what you want....

"I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you ant not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.": Jer 29:11

Ah hope...even when I struggle to be like Paul "content in all my circumstances" (He could do that in prison and I can't do that with where I'm at..seriously)...even when I hurt others with my complaining and anger, and sometimes even my tears...even when dreams seem to be lost forever...Hope lingers..hope lasts..Hope is ageless expectation. Hope in a future...Hope Hope Hope.


Actually today was a hope filledday...sometimes a simple conversation with someone you hardly know can heal a hurt inside...just to know that they understand they have dealt with the feelings of hopelessness anger...disappointment as well, the knowledge you are not alone. Yes hope...

with ageless expectation, I wait for what I want, I hope for what is promised, and I trust the plans God has for me. Even when life is rough...It doesn't matter what anyone says, it will boil down to what God says..who are you to complain?

So it's November and everyone is thankful....and Thanksgiving is a wonderful reminder to be thankful for what we have...but one month out of 12...

There has got to be more to it then that...God is bigger then this, he is larger then life...and I'm going to try to be more grateful every day of my life...because..It's good to be alive.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Wait Patiently....


wait patiently...have you any idea how many times the bible says this? Have you any idea how impatient I really am? How impatient this whole society really is? We have children who never wait for anything..and it is reflected in class even in three year olds. I often catch myself when frustrated with a child who doesn't understand that he/she has to wait thinking....why can't they wait it's not that hard...Oh but it is, it's so hard, yeah as adults we probably are not waiting for our turn with the toy camera or the blue paint. We see what we are waiting for so much more important then that...It doesn't matter if it's waiting for the right man, a new house, a move, a raise, a baby... in line at the bank, coffee shop, store. groaning and sighing in line because it's taking so so long and you don't have time for this...

It's true YOU don't have the time
Everything you do, let it be done for the glory of that people may see your good dead's and praise your father in heaven..


20 times a day I tell my kiddos to chill, wait, calm down...and most days, I wish I had someone right next to me the whole time saying chill...

We are such children, we are so impatient, we are so broken.

We are so loved.We are so forgiven....
" I know that my redeemer lives" ~Job


We want the glory though, we want to act like we have it all people thinking "boy does that woman have it all together" We want to take credit for a rise we got or a job we got...or even doing a job well...we want the credit..but it's not your's to have

Whatever you it for the Glory of GOD...

We all want to be hero's, but no one want's to pay the asking price. No one want's to wait in line for anything...just breath...Oh, I'm so impatient..

Lord, help my unbelief...

I'm sorry...I'm sorry.

Lamentations 3:26
it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

  1. Psalm 37:7
    Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.
    Psalm 37:6-8 (in Context) Psalm 37 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
  2. Psalm 40:1
    Psalm 40 ] [ For the director of music. Of David. A psalm. ] I waited patiently for theLord; he turned to me and heard my cry.

    1. Romans 8:25
      But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
      Romans 8:24-26 (in Context) Romans 8 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
    2. Hebrews 6:15
      And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was 

Monday, November 4, 2013

Be Still

Psalm 46...
God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging.[c]
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
    the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
    God will help her at break of day.
Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
    he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Come and see what the Lord has done,
    the desolations he has brought on the earth.
He makes wars cease
    to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
    he burns the shields[d] with fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”
11 The Lord Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Last week I got to hear my friends unborn child's around 11 weeks...only 11 and you could hear a heart beat and much earlier sometimes. Don't tell me it's not a living thing...don't tell me abortions are okay..

I think it should be a law that woman have to hear the heartbeat before they can get an abortion....

I thought I was okay...

I've been emotionally messed up ever was such an amazing wonder of God...that heartbeat...inside someone...

what if I never know what that is like? 

I thought I was okay...

Sunday was reformation and with reformation comes Psalm 46...I've read and re-read and heard this psalm so many many times..but truly it is a powerful Psalm...

in the same breath we are standing in awe of God and in the next we are to be still to know that very same God. Oh it's such a comfort to read this psalm in such time's as Facebook and media rub the sin of this world in your face. As the very laws and morals of our Lord are scoffed at and ignored..mocked...

We have Psalm 46 and Luther had a right to cling to the battle on when church and state wanted him dead. For we will not fear though the earth give way .. though laws pass that slap our faith our beliefs in the face...The God of Jacob is our Fortress...

I thought I was okay...
I miss St. Marcus... but God is everywhere...

I need only be still.

Thank-you God for the comfort in your word.

Monday, October 7, 2013

I See God in you.

The people that made you who you are today.

Recently my cousin wrote a blog on the 12th anniversary of her mom, my aunts death. As the cousins status and blogs do every year on that day, it reduced me to tears. As I remember being with them through that time....and through her whole battle with cancer.  As I remember the funeral and the weeks that followed everyday after school with my cousins. On the outside and the inside, knowing and not knowing. My cousin remembers her mother and her family as a family.

 I remember her as my first teacher, and the first adult outside of church to talk about God. I remember her faith as she dealt with cancer. Once I was old enough I came to realize how amazing she was to deal with what she dealt with each day. Her love for her kids and her brothers kids and anyone...I remember thinking even as as sophomore in high school...searching for a place to fit in in the public schools with my faith...that there was just something about Aunt Barb that made her different made her strong regardless of her body riddled with cancer.  She was so strong.

On the other side of that there is peace.. There was this lady...that heaven is blessed to have, who once told me " I do it one day at a time, with God and love" and those words...I'll never forget in the Griffin kitchen early fall probably around 11 years old. Those words have never left me...even when I walked away from God.

My Grandmother Joyce Dravis
That lady was a spit fire, an all for God fire, an Ill-do-anything-for-you-lady. Her love for her family her stubbornness even I guess her love for dancing is so much like me. She would give you the shirt off her back if you asked. She never said an unkind thing. A few years after she died I found a journal of hers my mom had.. Her faith oh to have but a fraction of her faith....I love you Grandma the angels are lucky to have you too!

Chad and Dana Benkert...the Eclipse.  The people on the other side of my stupidity. Just proves that God won't turn his back on you, even if you turn your back on God.  Whatever made Carrie Little invite me to go with her to this place called the Eclipse...but I  owe her a thank you. To people that showed me that its okay to go out of your comfort zone in my case "WELS" bubble into a light goth underground crowed and still find a faith and a passion for Jesus that surprised me. To adults that weren't boring yet they had rules and expected them to be obeyed. How told me it was okay to question, to search as long as I didn't give up....they were there as I tried to define the faith of my parents.

Angel...who knew someone you met on a trip in highschool that it would take until college to truly realize what a gift she really was. With Angel my faith renewed at WLC got roots and stuck...and to this day ours is a friendship like none other I have experienced for we have a friendship on a spiritual level..

Most of all, my Mom and Dad..not so much in the spiritual we talk about Jesus ways...but in the example of what a family is, what a marriage is, what hardship is and what your strength is built on. Those people who's faith is more shown then expressed and who love is an action more then an emotion.  They took me to church when I was little, the put me in a privet school as long as they the could...they set rules that were at times unrealistic but made out of love for me. I thank them for it.
  The only people in the world that have seen me through all the pain and happiness of my life and love me still.

Some of these people I never talk to let alone see any more, some are still a large part of my life, some have  moved on to The Lord, but all who have contributed to me becoming who I am.

All these people I see God in and all I can do is pray and strive to be that person to someone else.

The song they played at my aunts funeral so many years ago "Thank you" by Ray Boltz that song and the song "I see God in You" by Laura Landon are two songs I can only hope someone would hear and think of me. I've a lot of work to do and a lot of life to experience but I know their are others on this journey who God has placed in my path to help and who will be a help. Forever until God has all his people their will be a ceratin number out there with  my faith facing the world that I face.

Thank you.

Friday, September 20, 2013

Who do you know?

You know that saying, "it's not what you know, it's who you know. " It's so true right, you watch it in the world all the time and it makes you mad...

Bet it's happened for you too....and it's nice when it does. As humans that only can see one side of something or one element of a person life and work at a time it's hard to remember...Yes it might look like a person gets everything they want.

Maybe I have only been working here for two months, maybe I don't deserve this job, this pay, those Ipads, let alone this class room with a manageble size of students in it...but there are only a few who know what I delt with last year and the year before that....and who really deserves anything they have anyway?

"For we all have sinned and fallen short of the glroy of God"

Sometimes I wonder in other seniros of my life where this has been said if my "getting away" with out wearing a work appron, is less of a who you know and more of did you even try? Did you even ask? Maybe I got because I asked, maybe God wants to bless me or any other person becasue he knows that in another area of thier lifes and often a more important one...they may never get what they want.

They may never merry,
They may never get to stay home with thier children,
They may have a child of thier own.
They may never get thier dream job
They may never get out of debt
They may never know thier real mother of father

What you can see of a person's life is what they show and share, You have to remember thier is Always more. Some share to much some probably to little (like myself) but I trust God with the future and thank him for what he has givevn me in the present. So maybe some stuff for a classroom is just a lilttle battle won in a life full of big ones that are being lost at lesat for the time.

No, life is not fair we can thank Adam and Eve and a the Devil disquesed as a snake for that. You may look at one part of my life and say" I want", while all the while I'm looking at yours and saying...I want.  If your not careful you spend you whole life pineing for what others have or bitter about what others got that you didn't and you fail to see what you have that they dont.

Every blessing comes with it's share of curses...and vice verses....

We all do it, I've said it so many times...and I'll probably say it again...and feel justified in my heart. But one day at a time God leads on.

I'm stuggling right now with jealous, and bitterness as ovbiously others are as well. It's a battle and it rages on.....

So before you get mad that someone says you got something because of who you know stop and think...who are you saying that about right now? Maybe thier is truth in it but maybe thats how God planed to bless you.

God's got it what ever "it" is.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Where do you go for help?

Responding to trials...

I'm going to tell you right now, I'm worlds better then I was years ago, but sadly my first response to emotional turmoil is not "talk to God. "

Today in church pastor asked the question, when things go wrong who do you turn too first? How many of us run to the phone call your best friend and cry or complain because you just have to get it out. Or if you are a man do you just ignore it and not talk about it...but also not deal with it.

It's such a thought, such a simple thought, that I've heard many times before yet I brush it of, "surly I don't do this". Oh, but I do...I know I do maybe I don't call someone but I mope around, I cry and I dwell on stuff sometimes for days, weeks, months and depending on what "it" is apparently years.

Why is our first reaction to blow up, talk, go off...complain..

Why not find our bible, hit our knees, and cry out to our Lord, our best friend who loves with a love that won't end. Who loves you even when you turn elsewhere for comfort.

I say it again we are nothing but children throwing tantrums on this earth refusing the peace and comfort our Lord promises us.

Is God you 911 call or your everyday comrade?

Next time you feel upset, angry, wronged...stop, think and maybe instead of living by your emotions and feelings hit the breaks and call out to the an example of Jesus to the world, to your co-workers to your family, to your friends.

I know a song by Laura Landon called "I see God in You" I strive to be that person...someone sees me and thinking I see God in You. One day at a time and who know someday....

For he is your strength and your shelter....and he can raise you up on eagles wings...

   Church today was wonderful, and that was needed. Also on a related note I feel like I have to apologize for the poor wording and job I did on my last blog about praise.  Reading it again I realized how bad of a job I did explaining myself. In my statement about my church being boring that is MY opinion and in comparison to St. Marcus and there are very few church's like that one anywhere so it wouldn't have mattered what church I moved too it would be boring in comparison.

However I say that to explain that the service I want to at St. Marcus many of my friends did not like and preferred the old style service over it. So my new/old church is not a bad church and to anyone else probably not boring.. it's a shrinking church that's for sure, set in its ways and holds true to tradition's, which isn't necessarily a bad thing...but maybe that's why we had the time we had at St. Marcus to take the traditions we love and the service we loved and help reach the community.

  Church was wonderful today because people actually sang with us...because we sang hymns that people knew. It's the little things. I need to focus on the little things that heal my soul.


Monday, September 9, 2013

Valleys and Mountains

Valleys and have to praise God in the valleys as well as on the mountain top.


Over the last 6 or 7 years I've worked on "praying continually" "filling my life with good and righteous things",  not complaining (or the power of my words), and my self image.. a beautiful Child of God.
.I've come a long way on all fronts and still have more to do...however recently I've been thinking about praise and again maybe my list will grow.
Praise: Worship:
Sure I go to church, and maybe this is on my heart now because it's hard to "Praise God" during a service at my new/old church. It's just.... well... for lack of a better word, boring or, not a very moving service. Not like St. Marcus was...Oh dear St. Marcus this has been harder then I thought. 

Yeah God's word is preached and I am being feed BUT that's not praise. 

But who says I need to praise God only in church...

Think about Praise: we are to praise the Lord in the Valleys in the heart of turmoil or suffering for It's the day the Lord has made. How many of you facing unemployment or finical struggles or death in the family says "Praise the one who breaks the Darkness I am so thankful for my savior"  But why don't you? Why is it so easy to be negative and upset and so hard to be peaceful and trusting? 

So, I've started adding praise into my prayers: "I praise you father please help me"....etc...

It's a small step but I want it to be habit. 

Now lets talk about the Mountains? how easy is it to be so blessed in life you can just hit cruise control when you think you have it all figured out. God kinda fades to the back, not intentionally you don't even realize it. Why is that?  I still tend to use God for 911 calls. Life's going good I don't need the comfort of my bible I don't need to pray...then something goes wrong and I'm like oh shoot I need bad.

I haven't decided if I''m in a Valley or on a Mountain right now. I know I'm on a journey and my first week of teaching went great "Praise God" One week down, one step at a time...God's my Strength and my Song!

Praise.Peace. Hope.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

On the Wrath of God.

    If I had a penny for every time someone picked out the stories in the old testament and threw them in my face.  The one's were Gods Wrath is apparent. The ones that are hard to look at and think about. But such a great reminder of the fact that our God is a jealous God to be feared....AND loved!

Exodus 20:5 
Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealousGod, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;

It's a hard verse to read, but it's such a good reminder, such a powerful version of God.

and offset with hope.

Romans 8
38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

    Even more then that though I find it really hard not to get angry, when someone who doesn't believe in the bible and just uses it to prove a point by taking things out of context or focusing on one verse with out using scripture to interpret scripture. Or who lacks the courage to ask others who might know more then they about it; actually has the audacity to tell me to read and look into some of the "terrible" things my God has done in the Old Testament. As if I haven't bothered to read those stories as if I wasn't raised on those stories as if I pretend like so many other "feel good Christians" you know the God is Love an Love Wins types that those stories don't exist that the Law is not relevant like we can't learn from Adam and Eve, Cain and Able, Issac and Esau, Abraham and Sarah, Easter, Job, etc...or even more so the Israelite's mistakes.

     Oh, and I read these accounts of God wiping out nations, and sending plagues and opening the earth and burning down city's and wiping out the entire world in one flood. I think of how much sin those people were doing in God's eyes to make him burn with anger...and I thank God...I thank God I have the bible at my fingertips, at my side, ,I have Christian music, and church and the passion story. I have God's word I don't have to hear it from a prophet or a judge or a king. It's mine. I just thank God that I live in the time After Christs resurrection. Where I have a personal and real relationship with Jesus. When I mess up and boy do I ever mess up, I can come before my Lord and instead of the death I so deserve can find forgiveness and peace.

   I don't want to follow a God who is all love and nothing else where is the power in that? Where is the wisdom. Tolerance please...Respect, sure...Tolerance I've come to dread that word...who has the power to do what my God can do. I have a fear for my God and a respect. There are consequences when you break his commands...all the bad in the world it's a consequence of a broken command to not eat the fruit. It's a consequence and even then he gave them hope...and a promise...Praise the Lord he promised them Jesus...and here we stand.

Psalms 33:8 - Let all the earth fear the LORD: let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him.

Deuteronomy 10:12 - And now, Israel, what doth the LORD thy God require of thee, but to fear the LORD thy God, to walk in all his ways, and to love him, and to serve the LORD thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul,

Psalms 19:9 - The fear of the LORD [is] clean, enduring for ever: the judgments of the LORD [are] true [and] righteous altogether.

Psalms 34:9 - O fear the LORD, ye his saints: for [there is] no want to them that fear him

     So yes, there are some brutal stories in the Old Testament, and yes a lot of people claiming to be Christian either ignore them or pretend like they have never heard it before.

  From a world with so much concerned about tolerance it's a wonder there is so much violence. If you have nothing to compare good too, you have no good. Just as the shadow proves the sunshine...If you have no fear of your god, you have no reason to obey them. Just as a child disobeys when they have no fear or respect for their parents. We to are nothing more then spoiled children throwing fits and yelling for mommy.

  I'm no better no smarter, no more above anyone. I'm most certainly not a bible scholar.

BUT you have never found a post from me on facebook stating such, nor have you seen me write a post on someones page accusing them of being; close minded, blind, stupid, or un-knowledgeable. For who am I to judge? Who are you to assume.

World....Lets dance you and I.



Thursday, August 29, 2013

First off

First off, let me start by life has been a whirlwind of activity and will probably continue to be for at least a month until we settle into a routine in this new chapter of our lives.

Followed by a statement I have been happy to make many times in the last two or so weeks.

I'm Back.

I find it hard to write this blog

A. When there is a lot of turmoil in my life, because I live by the rule, not to complain and if I type this up when I'm upset or unsettled or stressed I will complain. So I chose not to write at all.

B. When I'm so overwhelmed with stuff to write about, and when it's been as long as it has, and this much has happened I find I'm at the later of these...

So lets re-cap the amazing blessings and the vice verses that come with them.

August 15th: I said good-bye to the wonderful people and children that make up Good Shepherd's Lutheran School and Child Care. Ending with taking my school age kids roller skating. And it was a blast. Oh, how I miss very very much. Oh, how blessed I was to be able to be a part of their lives, and I can only hope that my rules of always show respect and always show love will stick with them as they grow and are lead by others.

August 17th I moved in one day from Menomonee Falls, doing some crazy kind of time travel back to my parents basement in Cassopolis (basically Dowagiac) Michigan. With the help of some AMAZING friends and family who again I am very very blessed to have.

August 19th I started my first day at St. Johns as a get this....Preschool Teacher...
and have spent days in my room setting it up, cleaning and lesson planning and meeting some of the children I now am blessed to work with!   I am much less terrified then I was before this two week period and even somewhat prepared! With a new group of children to love and teach and a new group of co-workers to get to know I'd say I am blessed not only to have a job in Michigan because lets face it one gets a job in Michigan. But I am blessed to work at a place where I can continue to share my faith and hope.

It's been about 12 days and I have already gone line dancing  Three times, with another trip tomorrow. Oh how I have missed it, I've already lost weight and I can listen to country music which I haven't done in a couple years because it just made me sort of sad.

Everything is different...yet the same...

the nearest Starbucks is 25 minutes away...the nearest WalMart is 25 Minutes away...the nearest ANYTHING is 25 minutes away.. my drive to work is a completely different story...dirt roads, and a two lane highway and no rush hour traffic, considerably less construction not that it's necessary a good thing.

The pace is what I have missed. It's slow in ways Milwaukee was fast and fast in a completely different way then Milwaukee at its slowest. According to my husband who is currently working part time on a farm and at a feed store (I'll have myself a farmer yet) who has never lived in anything but city in his life, and has spent most of his time with me in city where I'm a little less active. "This is going to be and exhausting two years"

Me, I'm ready to go...learn that dance, drive to Angels, do yoga on a deck, pet a cow, climb a tree, drive fast down a dirt road and watch the red dirt fly behind me...I'm ready to find a bonfire and shot some cans, I'm ready to find myself again. I'm ready to slow down and drive through the night listening to my not alright CD and talk, thank, or even yell at God. I'm ready to take a breath feel the grass under my bare feet. I'm home...and all I can do is pray that my wonderful husband learns to love it as much as I. As my older friends at Cowboy Up have always called me I'm a little fire cracker...and as one said last night. Our firecracker is back!

But I have to remember, it's not just me I'm not 19 and I have a husband, so in this adjustment and balance as my husband turns his life upside down for my sake...As he works two part time jobs drives to full time school and an internship I have to remember it's not about me and maybe he doesn't want to dance, maybe he wants a beer and a movie and some time to sit and relax.

So much I'm excited about so much I miss...

In it all...Their is God...even if my church is not, well what I like, or am use too, it's my church and somehow maybe we can do some good there. God's in the fields and the line dance bar and in our marriage and even if it's harder to tell if you look God is in my church for it is his house and one more come there together in his name. So yes I miss my friends in Milwaukee, I miss the convenience of living less then 5 min away from everything...

Just like I miss the Eclipse, or Cowboy Up when I was single, or certain people I don't see or talk to's all a part of me I'm blessed to have experiences that have made me who I am...A God who has proven himself time and time again.

First off...


Thursday, August 8, 2013

Don't panic...

Sorry it's been so long..moving date is 8 days away and I'm trying not to panic...and when I'm not worried about panicking I'm fighting back tears...

And in the end I'm basically left exhausted .

I've been scared to write for I've done an awful lot of complaining and second guessing lately..not enough praying and meditating on the word.

I'm reminded of  our wedding verses...

Matthew 6:31-34
So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat? ’ or ‘What shall we drink? ’ or ‘What shall we wear? ’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Lord forgive my unbelief...

It never stops amazing me how comfortable we can get in life. Then also how hard it is to deal with changing that. Where I've been I've been taking in the blessings of an amazing church, surrounded by people my age that share my beliefs...and at some point I have to take all that I have learned in these past years and go give back.


I'm negative right now and I need your prayers...that I stay rooted in the word and built up in his love. That I find the peace he holds out and not worry about tomorrow...

If he leads you to it...he will lead you through it.

Did you know that the Hebrew word for amen means "so be it" think about that when you next you that statement...for  his will be

Or in other words.

DON'T PANIC....Gods got it.

If I tell myself that enough ill start to believe it right?

By far not my most coherent blog..nor my most eloquent...but I'm sorta on panic mode...

And the long and short of it is I shouldn't worry ...please pray for us. Because our lives are going to have to be extreme for The Lord very very soon...I won't be hope is in The Lord.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Discouraged and I'm sorry.


Stressed out...

Life just won't let up.

I can't tell you how many status I've seen reflecting these feelings lately, how many people I've talked to or have seen in their faces the basic worn condition of the's everywhere lately and I'm not sure why or what battle is coming. All I can say is I know I have been acting according to how I feel, and not to how I believe.

I have not been very pleasant to live with, nor very understanding to other peoples pain. I have been selfish, angry, and defeated. I can blame it on stress, lack of sleep or what not..but what it comes down to is my thoughts. What I focus on each day. What my eyes and ears are taking in and my mouth is putting out. Oh I've written so often of the "power of words" No I'm not one to share all my strife with every person that happens to ask how I'm doing, I'm not posting my misery all over facebook but I am one to dwell on it...

I'm simply tired both physically and mentally...and when it comes down to it I'm tired because my priorities are all wrong. We talked about it tonight in community group. How easy it is to fall away to not necessarily forget our Lord but to forget to remember him.  My time with the Lord has suffered because I am angry with him...and each time I feel like I've dealt with that anger it's shown to me again but slowly one step at a time until one day who knows.

... I've been blessed to have a safety net of community group, YP group, church, friends, and a pastor I can talk to about that even though I'm angry I'm still placing myself in the word of God.

What happens when I move...?

that. question. terrifies. me.

But why?

Shouldn't God be enough? Oh the condition of the heart is so easily soiled the dragon lives in all of us...I feel guilty for being angry...and that guilt makes me feel unworthy, and like it's worthless to even try...all because I'm angry and selfish...I'm angry because I'm selfish and selfish because I'm thinking about me and not God.

How do you overcome?

spend time with your Lord as he promised to return his glory to Jerusalem if his people rebuilt his temple to honor him in that city again. It took them almost 20 years to actually get the job done..because just like me they were distracted, worn out, had their own agendas and fears. The Lord had to stir his people up, sending Haggie, and Zachariah to them to share his lucky are we to have them already...and still how discouraged we are even holding the bible and God's promises for "hope and a future" for glory in heaven" in our hands...and find the nerve to say


Oh, the mind can turn from this to that and the world is lost in a heart beat.

Romans 8.

Even Revelation can be a comfort to the believer. In a world where we are scoffed at...we know in the end Jesus wins. We know that our present sufferings are not worth comparing and that God can teach us to number our days aright.

Why is knowing so easy and believe so hard? Why is it even the strongest in faith can be so very very weak in the face of life. What is God trying to teach me, what is he getting me ready for? God is bigger then this, he's bigger then me....

No we are not alone in our anger, in our selfishness, in our unbelief, in our worries, pain, and fears. but we have to's not about us. I'ts not about bills, work, family, friends, or even our spouses. In the end it's about Jesus and the condition of our hearts. Examine your they reflect our Lord?

Lord, forgive my unbelief

I'm angry and I'm sorry,
I'm discouraged...and not content
I'm guilty...and still loved
a sinner and still forgiven

‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’[a] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” ~Revelation 21:4~

Lord, forgive my unbelief


Thursday, July 11, 2013

Placing it in God's Hands.

most true Christians don't so much leave it all up to God when it comes to life. When things go wrong we are not taught to just sit there because Gods going to take are of it. No, we are asked to trust God that thee things are happening for a reason, whatever the reason maybe the reason is simply because he wants you to do something for yourself,  to grow your faith. to get your attention, to help someone else later on with the same struggle. There are so many possible reasons for suffering and so many ways to deal with it.

A lot of people when they go through trials...I should speak for myself when I suffer in this world and say "I am believing God" it doesn't mean I'm not taking steps to make it better. We put our lives in Gods hands trusting he will place the people, the experiences, the thing we need at that moment to get us through.

We...I don't suffer because I'm not doing anything for myself though maybe some do, or maybe some just don't know what else to do...maybe they have tried everything tapped out all their resources and have nothing left but God. Who are you why someone is suffering. You don't know the condition of the heart.

I've been scolded because I made a comment that some belief systems believe they need to worship a certain god to get stuff in life ie food, rain, money, long life...., or that the gods are punishing them for some reason and that is why they are suffering...

No we suffer because we live in a sinful world, but we are told that Jesus has overcome the world.

John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”


1 Peter 1:6-9
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire —may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.


To be on earth is to to be comfortable

Psalms 90:10
Our days may come to seventy years,
or eighty, if our strength endures;
yet the best of them are but trouble and sorrow,
for they quickly pass, and we fly away.

No, I'm not surprised when I encounter trials and hardships....

ah but this time, this time I've been so weak, I've dropped my shilds and now I'm struggling....

It was  struggle tonight to go to community group and I thank God for a husband who steppe up and said "we are going:"...I'm angry, I'm selfish, and these weeds are strangling my faith.

Community group was wonderful tonight...just praying with people is a huge help in faith. I'm so glad I went...God is good.

 I was reminded tonight of something I was ignoring...through all this past month, bad news. a cat dying, a car breaking, sudden unexpected expenses..the friends we have we are so blessed. One driving his truck here to help us move for a fraction of the price of a uhaul truck. Another fixing our car for a fraction of the cost of taking it to a shop, yes it sucks these expenses have come up and it's frustrating when your trying to cut down on debt and life happens and it's all for nothing. Yet I am so blessed to have people to turn to to help. I am so blessed that even when I'm wrongfully angry at God, he is still there waiting when I get over myself and give it to God. The peace to deal with the strains...they are not magically gone once you give it up to them, but they are now faceable...they are now just a little thing in the big the upper story...

I am blessed, and thanks for your prayers....

Just know, when I say "I'm counting on you God because I haven't go anything else" dosn't mean I haven't tried.

"Endure the storm just one more day, so you may fully appreciate the calm.?

Monday, July 8, 2013

Please Pray (A confession in stream of consciousness)

I figured it

I'm really struggling with my faith right now.
                the struggling...
it terrifies me.

How easy we...I...fall into the thought pattern when things go wrong of "Why?" "I'm a good person, this is not fair"                    
                                         I'm. Worn. and Oh am I ever


I know all the right verses... I know time and time again God has proven himself my strength and my shelter...and I know my cup runs over.

Knowing doesn't help the believing and Believing doesn't help the knowing.

                                                                  because I feel
                                                              like my faith is failing
                                                                  beyond repair
       It's the endless torment of the human soul, as old as Adam and Eve;In in the wake of a  slithering snake
                                                                  because I feel
                                                              like my faith is failing.
                                                                  All I can do is


In a blink, in a breath, in a tear, hope can slip away...give way...break away. When all that holds you up falls to pieces around you, what are you left with if not faith
                                                                                      re-evaluate who I really am.

God, your up to something, bigger then me....
                                                      bigger then this.
                              If I believe nothing right now, I have to believe that.

My bible gathers dust, my prayer journal is frozen in time....and even then..
                                                                                   time marches on... 

Oh, I'm tired
a tired beyond sleep, a tired beyond physical,

of fighting the good fight....
but not tired enough to give in
not tired enough to surrender

"Because in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary."

Lord, help me in my unbelief.
Renew my mind, and keep my heart alive....Only you can save me.

                                        Now in closing  brothers...and sisters
                                        pray, that our faith..... will catch like fire
                                        because the whole world,
                                        because you
                                                     because......... I
                                                                   need encouragement.

In the wake of hate, and pain, the face of the world we are all at the same time sinners...and 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SAINTS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~. 

I figure it out today

I'm really struggling with my faith right now.
                            and the struggling...

it terrifies me.

So please 

Sunday, July 7, 2013

The God of Sunday School, the God of Love....Stand Firm the world is spinning out of control.

"I am the way the truth and the life no one comes to the father except through me."~ John 14:6~

that doesn't leave much room for worshiping or following or believing in another god does it?

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him (not any other god) shall not parish but have eternal life."

parenthesis are my own addition.

"That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.~Romans 10:9,10~

doesn't leave much room to say Jesus was just a prophet...

Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them: “Rulers and elders of the people! If we are being called to account today for an act of kindness shown to a man who was lame and are being asked how he was healed, 10 then know this, you and all the people of Israel: It is by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified but whom God raised from the dead, that this man stands before you healed. 11 Jesus is
“‘the stone you builders rejected,
    which has become the cornerstone.’[a]
12 Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.”

bold was added by me to show that according to the bible there is  no other way to salvation. Yes, God is love Yes, God loves all mankind, Yes God wants EVERYONE to believe and be saved.


 God did not leave room for other means of getting to heaven. No, God will not save you from eternal damnation if you do not believe in your heart he is Lord. No, God does not share his glory with lesser gods. No you can not worship the God of the bible and other gods and say you worship the same God as I do. Because if you truly believed in the God of the bible you would not have any need nor desire to entertain others.

and in the face of those who point to you and mock you...who pick out certain part of your faith of the bible and spit it in your face making you out to be a bad person and an even worse Christian (in the modern sense of the term) In the face of the world slipping out of control, in the face of morals being stripped down to make way for "human rights" in the face of babies dying before they even had a chance to defend themselves, in the face of the marriage God set up being turned into a mockery, in the face of fires, and storms, and global the face of everything bad in this world

and in the end feeling as if you are alone in your faith surrounded by the brokenness of the world...

remember..but for such a time as this...

as the 144.000 of Revelation remind us, there is a set number of people on this earth that have your faith, and multitudes already in heaven.


and the world is still spinning because God's work and our work is not done, not until he claims his last into his hand. Not until his seal is stamped on those that are his.

Yes, God is love
Yes, we are to share his love
Yes, the world will mock you, point at you, scold you, and it will only get worse

Stand firm because our God has overcome the world!

We are his people, We can not be Shaken,

 I don't fight with my knowledge, I don't stand up for my faith with words of others..if you are going to quote the bible to me, to prove "Christianity" a farce to make me look bad, then you better know just what your saying and you better have your facts about the bible straight.....Don't spew the bible in my face and expect me to fold my hands and take it, No the only thing I can fight with is God's word, it's what Jesus fought with when tempted by Satan in the desert. It's sharper then a double edge sword and it's the armor of God.

so. back. off. this. whole. Christians. are terrible. trip. and live the lifestyle you so passionately preach...tolerance and love. at least I don't pretend to tolerate everyone and every belief. I respect them and I love them as a person but I don't have to agree with them nor do I pretend too.

Hello, my name is "child of the one true King"

Come Lord Jesus....Come.