The 4th Season...and the end of.

Spring past into summer so gently I almost didn't notice, so swiftly I blinked and it was over. Adam was walking, and little by little I made the most amazing of friends. Here is where I have to work on my heart though for it is hard to not be bitter with the fact, that I make this friend just in time to leave. Yet I focus on the fact that she is amazing, and I enjoy every second I spend with her until I leave and the chances after that. Because as I so often forget, it's not about me it's about him and he does what he does for me despite what I am. Karolina has drawn me back to God...and she and this park are Godsends.

So here is summer.

The new season of benches...

walking....one year...

45 days...and I leave this place....

The park in 3 seasons.

The park, the park is the one thing, other then little Adam that I will miss the most. It's where I've met everyone one I know in Chicago, it's where each day I visit I am met with some new and completely ridiculous experience. The park is the very definition of America, the hobos, the hippies, the disgruntled middelaged black men talking Revolution trying to feel young. The millions of colors and ethnic groups, the melting pot of languages, and ideas. The arts, the sciences, it's all there walking, sitting, laying, swimming, biking, jogging, dog walking, playing, climbing, screaming, cussing, singing. Telling a story most of the world is oblivious too. Yes the park is the one thing I will miss...and the lake shore, I have grown to love the sound of it, sitting on the painted bench, or under the trees, in all seasons it's the one thing never much changed. Every time I go there I want to write about the characters of my park, the regulars, the kids Ive watched grow for a year, from hats and gloves and snowballs, to rainboots and umbrellas, to swimsuits and shovels. The parents the nannys, the stories the accents, the laughter. Yes the park... where I've been hit on by all sorts of people in all sorts of ways. Where I go when I'm homesick, or lonely, or sad. Yes the park. So here in pictures is what I always talk about...This past year captured in seasons of change.

The first day...

The benches change...the ones now are different I don't like them quit as much, but it's still neat.

This is how big he was one year ago, almost exactly.

The path by the water...

The full line of benches and the fall trees....it's starting to look like this again...

I meet Mike that fall, and ended up getting a restraining order on him, my next friend was a girl...and I hope she can stay a friend after I move. but more on Karolina later. Winter set in, and I was shut in..with little Adam day after day after day..but now and again I would get out..with or without him, and there would still be people in the park..the die hards mostly the disgruntled middle aged black men, who hit on me (I quickly learned to do my best to avoid them, sometimes it's just not possible though. So the park covered with snow, looks like this

This is how big he was at Christmas....

and just when I thought the winter was going to do me in...this happened...overnight.

And hes crawling....

And spring gave way to summer...and that I'll post soon.

Yesterday, I went downtown by my self which is how I do everything in this city alone. I'm getting use to it. Anyway, I had the day off I apparently can not wear my blue dress in public with out Kevin there...I don't know what it is lately I'm sitting in Borders, reading of course...and at the table to the side and in front of me are four men probably in their late 30's early 40's playing chess. One of them was a Big black fella I'm sure he was nice enough but he just kept winking at me. I quickly stopped looking over there though I was honestly interested in the game. But even when I was reading I could feel him for over an hour... staring at me.. Now I know how a fish feels. By the end of the day I was ready to burn that dress. I was called babe, mama, mis, hun, sexy, and hot...all by different random black guys. Which is fine I guess nice for my ego but seriously whats the deal? I never touched a door handle all day. Made me miss Kevin...

Then today...

today today today...

I got of a bit early, it's sorta nice outside, so I decide to go to the park with out the extension, and read. Well the last week there has been these two or three guys playing in the park "practicing" they are a band have some sort of benefit concert this weekend for their friend. The first time I saw them I was with little Adam..and boy did he just stair I think he liked their music...and it wasn't bad. Well, when I went to leave we exchanged a few words and away I went. So today I'm entering the park and there they are. Of course the expected question

"Wheres you kid"

"Actually hes not mine, I'm just the nanny"

"Oh, so no kids of your own huh?"

"nope not yet, your music is pretty good guys, how long have you been playing"

"We use to play all the time, but we haven't met up in years. Were doing this for our friend."

okay now let me describe these guys to you. You know the hippie, druggies from back in our parents day? Thats them..... The one actually probably was, the other was younger anyway. It's really true they talk like that. "hey man, that some sweet stuff you got there" etc. ANYWAY, by this time I'm thinking these guys if nothing else are interesting so I walk with them a bit. (they are going to take a dip in the lake you know chill and all.) Well, one stays with the guitars and we sit down..we talk about hippie things, music, books, traveling...I think he should have been a BEAT poet actually....the mushrooms they had last night...(yes true story I think one was still in that happy place). They invited me to their concert yada yada yada. A long story short, they were actually very nice polite guys. One married from Colorado the other getting married in May..it was a good time and away they go.

Now I'm leaving the park by this time a couple of hours have elapsed...First I have the African man asking me where I got my bag because he likes them and the little Chinese girls keep telling him they got it in their home land. Obviously, I don't look Chinese...he seemed disappointed when I told him I got it at a thrift store in Milwaukee. Guess he really wanted a murse...So I walk on...

Now this next character reminds me so much of my friend Noah that there is NO way I will ever try to contact him...I mean that just won't end well at all. Again he was black and very fun to talk to and a poet, and lives close around...and we talked a bit but I Tell ya I have NEVER been hit on the way he hit on me. I'm walking along in my own little world, smiling about my hippies, and the murse guy when I hear someone say:

"Ever thought about getting dreads?"

I'm telling you I'm as white as you can get...I'm probably the last person to ask this question too unless I'm doing Dana dreads but thats different. Seriously though, who starts a conversation like that? Well it worked lol...mostly because I was confused

"huh?"

"have you ever thought about getting dreads, thats what those hats are often used for" (I'm wearing one of those cloth hats that seem to be all the rage now the knitted type things that sorta flop on your head...

By now I've figured out yes, this guy seriously just asked me if I wanted or would consider putting dread locks in my hair. Okay then...

"Um, no I have never thought about it.."

and the conversation somehow progressed...and we talked about my job, about poems, yada yada yada...(I guess I must look really artsy today it must be the hat and the murse....I don't know how people can look at me and instantly get "poet" but I'm okay with that...So I ended up with his phone number..though he really wanted mine (fat chance buddy) I guess he never even saw the ring not like I wasn't trying to flash it in front of him or anything....We talked long enough to almost get me thinking this guy really just wants to share poems...and thats when I learned his name Jonah...and I was like OMG this is the walking incarnation of Noah....and it made me laugh!! Anyway, just as I was thinking maybe this guy is half way okay he throws out the next line

"Well, I sure hope you give me a call, cause your hot I'm just ganna be honest and my poetry is fanominal (spelling)" I just laughed and walked away.

Now, if I were single unattached I would have to admit I would probably text him solely because he reminded me so much of Noah, and Noah is good peoples. He was also a Christian and a poet...but at this point in my life...nope sorry buddy not happening there is no way a guy and a girl can just be friends...unless you have been friends when you were younger, or your over the liking each other stage. He wanted way more then to just hang out at his friends "crib" who is white too....lol.

Talk about a couple days of ego boost...and I just can't wait to see Kevin...I love that man more then I can ever explain in any poem I ever write...

Don't judge.

It's been a while...

I'm winding down on my time here in Chicago then I will have to think of another use for this blog. Until then some more antidotes of my ridiculously random meetings with people in this city.

Months ago I went for a run, the usual 1 and a half mile to the gym the 1 hour at the gym, then the run back. So, on my way to the gym I pass a middle-aged black gentlemen in a wheel chair. I'm talking once upon a time pimp so you can sorta picture the outfit, the fedora the chains the stripped suit the works. He does the usual stare at me as I avoid eye contact on my way past. Whatever, on the way home hes still there. Apparently he lives in the building and has to come out for a smoke and just happened to be out smoking both times. So here I am, sweaty, red, probably slobbering... mouth hanging open..you know apparently guys like this look. On my way past he says "Still running huh?" Now, maybe I should get my head check or maybe I'm just that damn desperate for social interaction..I stopped. After explaining that I ran to the gym worked out and was now on the way home the conversation progressed.

"All that running, it's why you look so good."

I'm thinking oh boy here we go again...but then

"I see you have a ring on, thats one lucky man...you two living together around here?"

So again I explained no, we won't live together until we are married his in Milwaukee (blah blah blah) and still I'm thinking this conversation is not going to end well when he pulls out the bombshell

"Thats so good to hear, I don't know why everyone thinks it's okay these days, the good Lord gave us a plan for a reason. You are going to have a blessed marriage it's so nice to hear it too."

at this point I think my mouth was hanging open for a different reason. Seriously don't judge someone by what they look like...It's not ALWAYS true. On I ran smiling for some reason that conversation just made me happy. God is good and there are still people in this world that are good to.

The light it pierced the darkness;
but the darkness didn't know,
and understanding never unraveled
in the reflecting white of snow.

The path went on unending,
through gates and grates unknown.
and hope could only follow,
though it knew not where to go.

Somewhere the angels waited;
singing soft, and sweet and low.
and smiling at remembered children-
making their likeness in the snow.

The New Year

Ah, for New Years the time where everyone looks to the future by focusing on what they did wrong in the past..I'm not sure how that makes sense but to most it does. Hey look I gained 20 lbs this past year this year I'm ganna lose weight.

New Years resolutions what a joke...I mean if you need to change something why the fuzzy do you have to wait until the new year? When you want to change something you should do it NOW not later. New Years is just another way for lazy Americans to procrastinate. Yeah, I should go back to school, but I'll wait for the new year, yeah I should read my bible everyday maybe I'll start that in the new year. Well yeah thats great but it's only February what are you going to do until then?

I use to summon up my year in my new years eve post...the good the bad the ugly...lets see the Good, graduation, Kev, job....the bad...graduation, job...the ugly...Russ....

Ah, it's amazing how much of my year revolves around men? Even now, at this point in my life, at this walk with God. It's better yes because I found a Christian Man but if I went back to Facebook blogs or myspace or does anyone remember this one Xanga? and pulled up all my new years post you would laugh at me. Because I'm the same as I was then just at a different spot in life. I made a new years resolution once a couple years back to read my bible everyday....fail but you know what I did for a while and I still do way more then I use too...So every time I stop and go back I make the resolution all over again. So this new year as I look at the good, the blessings, the bad and the ugly. I'll thank God that no matter how often I fail at a new years resolution he has accounted for that by his birth, and his death...and guess what yeah life goes on for now..and maybe even for much longer. But what if it don't? What if this new year never happens? Do you know where your going too? Ignorance is bliss......News flash...nothing lasts forever on this earth.

Happy New year and I pray we have many more years so screw up, justify, and grow from. oh yeah and God Bless America.....ha ha ha

The Lake is the Storm...

It's amazing after years of being an off and on runner, how amazing running is. How alive it makes you feel, your breath, your legs, your motions, your feet, your arms, your lungs they all have to work together. The human body is amazing...and the pain the slow burn, the sharp stings, and the wind ripping your breath from your lungs even before it enters your mouth....the wind against my face, the tightening of the abdomen as it is searches for more air......the hurt....the smell I'm human and I'm alive....

The lake tonight made me think of knives....

The lake is the storm and the wind its fuel, The wind summons the runner, and the runner uses the wind to race the storm, and in that instant, at the very edge of the world arms stretched wide..the knives lick at the runners feet, and the storm swirls, white, caps, falls, flows...and as the wind tells the runner..."move" the runner believes if even for a moment that she ran hard enough, swift enough...she could ride the wind home.