Misunderstood

Yesterday was a rough day...

    One of those days where you are just misunderstood....when it's all said in done its worthless to explain to anyone...I didn't do anything.   I grew up making due with what you had, and that's just fine. I can always figure it out sometimes I just need time to think.

    Its funny the different ways you can approach saying something that you know someone else is not going to like. The different kind of reaction you can have if you walk into a room and say; I need this because of this, and our boss said to do it. Instead of; hey guys here is the problem I need this because of this what do you think got any other ideas? To give the other person time to explain yeah we need them too just as much as you do...lets figure this out.

    I hate feeling like I did something wrong when I tried to just figure something out. It helped me understand things though, it's that constant selfish struggle I have at work. It's good practice...

    How do you deliver messages? I know I've had some poor deliveries in my time. Everyday it amazes me the power in words, when you can say the same thing in two different ways and make someone upset of make it okay. I think that's one of the reasons I was an English major and I enjoy reading and poetry so much. Words fascinate me. It's like a challenge and one that I tend to avoid because it makes me uncomfortable and I don't like talking to people. We all so easily take up the defense  jump to conclusions and end up angry. We.are.all.selfish.

   So, if you need to say something you know will make someone else upset or they won't like take some time slow down and see if you can say it in a way that wont make the other person feel like their opinions don't matter at all. That they cant even ask questions to try to understand why. Slow down world, take your time figure it out....calm down before you take it to an authority figure... May God guild me in my reactions and thoughts, may he help me when things don't go my way to hold my tongue and not whine and complain like the children I work with. My my focus and yours ever be drawn back to Jesus and the cross. He gave up his life; remember the story. A body can deal with a lot if they keep their eyes on the cross.

Share Jesus

Colossians 2:6,7
 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.


Overflowing with thankfulness.....wow I mean really think about the implications of that phrase...does that sound like you?

I know I don't fit that description.

That.is.all.....and it is enough.

May your day be filled with thanksgiving, may your every thought be drawn back to The Lord....and may you find the guts to thank your Father out loud. Get someone to look at you funny....make them ask what : or why did you just say tank you. Then explain and share your happieness...share Jesus...

Amen!

It's a God thing.

"Dream big...Pray Boldly...God will do the rest."

That was church tonight...

It's a God thing.

It's exactly what I needed.


God.is.Good. everytime, all the time.

Dreams change, fade, and new ones grow...and always always...we are left with hope.

I'm sorry for my doubts Father, I'm sorry for my weakness, help me to trust you boldly.

Let my light shine before men, that they may see my good deeds and praise my father in heaven. "Matthew 5: 16"  (paraphrased)

I think I'm begging to understand what it means to pray scripture...Father forgive my unbelief.

Dreams

Long time ago I had a goal in life to be a forest ranger of sorts and live alone on a mountain out west.

Then I went to college and realized how much I love my family and how much I love the close friends that I have..even if we don't hang out much and live all over the world.

Then I fell in love with line dancing....

then Kevin told me he liked me...

And then I couldn't get into a grad school because of my lack of knowledge and ability to do math and science...and I started second guessing my dreams...that maybe God didn't want me to do anything in conservation let alone forest ranger....

Fast forward to now...

I've married the love of my life...I live in city...I teach 3 year old's....and there is no where in this area to line dance...

It's hard sometimes to look at your life and other then being married; realizing how far you really are from your dreams...

Yet how much. My. Dreams have changed... And even in those changes how far I am from even them...Michigan, children of my own, sign language...I've got nothing.

All that said to say this. I don't like parties... Of any sort.... Jewelry, bridal, baby showers, drinking parties, Tupperware. That dream of living alone on a mountain...being a hermit..it's not that far fetched.  I would always rather stay at home clean, be with my husband though sometimes even that is a little much for me ( I love you Kevin), read, write and reflect...

I have reclusive tendencies...

Is it rude of me? It's not that I don't want to support that person, or be there for them or that I'm not happy for them.... it's just I don't like games, chit chat, and being uncomfortable.  I mean I've lost count of how many invites I have backed out of..once someone told me it was rude to do that, and in the same breath tell me they never have any time and are stressed out...that they feel rude and judged if they don't go...is something wrong with me? I don't have that problem.

I. Like. Having. Time.

To relax...I don't even know where my phone is right now....

I.dont.like.people.....I just don't want to NOT have the option to spend time with them. But if you dug into it...I like my family...I don't have to talk to them... I hang out with my few close friends...but not often....I like to line dance...but if you watch me at cowboy up I do little else but dance...I'm not there to socialize all night (yes a little I enjoy having my friends there)

I.dont.like.people.

I don't like feeling like I have to put on a show for people, find things to talk about. I don't have to do that with family and close friends..or the dance floor....

I hate the city....I love children, but they get worse year by year...sometimes the only thing keeping me here is Kevin...

And sometimes that scares me...

so in closing if I've ever backed out on your party...I'm sorry please don't hold it against me because it's nothing against you... Something might be wrong with me.

As for dreams, it's hard to not give up on some of them and others hurt to let go off...., but there is comfort in knowing that God has plans for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me...plans to give me hope and a future. ~ Jeremiah ~

I.have.to.hold.on.to.that.

otherwise....I'm nothing but a woman married to a great man with nothing but broken dreams.....

is my husband really what defines me in life?  what is becoming of my dreams? Why oh Lord am I here and what am I suppose to do???

Years that ask questions and years that answer them....Father, please let this be a year of answers...

Good choice or bad choice.

"We are not a people called to function according to the way we  feel. We are a people who are called to take hold of the word of God and apply it to our lives daily." ~Joyce meyer~

Okay you read it... Now read it again think about it this time...

I have been tested in this and each and every day I fall short. How many time do I say a day. I'm tierd or sick so I'm easily frusterated. When really I'm only sounding like that Whiny three year old who didn't get their way.

It's a choice you might not realize it, I won't even pretend to have it figured out. But how you feel mentally is a choice or a result of a choice.  I've always hated to use the excuse of PMS to justify my bad behavior. Pregnancy as well. Yes I'm cranky yes I'm tierd but that does not give me the right to treat people poorly.

How fast a day can be ruined by a misunderstanding when you might not even realize how you sound...oh it makes me sad to think of all the people I have hurt or upset with a thoughtless word or reaction. Give my your eyes Lord give me your heart oh lord give me your incredible compactly to love and forgive.

So I challenge you to slow down and think about your reaction or your words. I pray you stop assuming you know why so and so was rude or mean. Stop and think that maybe like you they are having a bad day. Don't be scared to reach out...don't be scared to pray. Most importantly don't be scared to admit that you are just as guilty as the person who just treated you poorly.


“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matthew 7:1,2

Word are powerful that is why we are encouraged to pray out loud... So use them to Gods glory. Your actions are a reflection of your heart and you have the choice to act on them. Like I give my three year old choices...good choice or bad choice.

Before you react...breath, pray, then if you still have too...speak.

Amen.

When God Speaks

     For a year or more now I have been trying to do  better job of listening to that still small voice. Like when I am told to prepare, or to pray for someone about something very specific..that voice that some nights can wake me from sound sleep and call me to my knees. Lately I've been getting "Return to me you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest...

     It's so easy to take that voice and shrug it off or explain it away, or maybe not even understand it so it doesn't matter. I've found lately though, it's easier to listen the first time then to have to figure it out the hard way.

   I haven't felt very strong in my personal walk with God lately. I could justify it like crazy, I've been sick, my husband needs to take the place of spatial lead in the house, I've been to busy. Really those are simply excuses. How do I expect to be strong on my own. It's like the Devil has taken this sickness consistently since Christmas, and has basically won in wearing me down to the point I don't have the energy for God. Or at least he is trying to make me believe such.

  He knows my weaknesses, my breaking points, those things that can just pull me into depression so very very fast. But what he doesn't know is that though I've been slower to respond this time around, I'm on to him. Lets see in the past two weeks, 2 more people told me they are expecting, I've gone into more debt, and my husband is applying and applying for jobs in Michigan and getting no where, I've been sick so I haven't been working out, I've been stuck inside...Excuses...and worthless ones at that. Nothing can separate me from the Love of Christ...even the Devil who seems to know all my weaknesses and finds glee in exploiting them. Ive got something he can never have....I've got Hope.

   I list all that negative stuff to say this, we all have crap in our lives, we all get sick, we all feel depressed, we are all  overworked....were are all searching for a place on this earth. But despite all of this I have found time to play Hay Day, I have found time to watch countless episodes of the Office on Netflix, I've had time type in this blog, talk on the phone, line dance....why on earth is it so hard to squeeze God in?

No excuses...just do it...or in the blink on an eye...Satan wins. For he is there waiting like a prowling lion for someone to consume.

I gave him a foothold, now I have to do more work to get the upper hand back...

I told the children today, that even when they are scared Jesus can help them...

So with Bible, with Worship, with Prayer....I take up my armor of God and march of to war.

Jesus.Can.

Jesus.Will.

So, take a close look at what you do in a day, how much time you spend on facebook, twitter, texting, watching T.V. and how much of it could be spent with our Lord? This world is hurting and getting worse it's expected...How will you react when things don't go perfectly, when that child won't stop crying, when they tell you no, when they ignore you...

How would Jesus?

Psalm 27

I will wait upon The Lord.