I can't sleep,
for once I know why,
A lot of you know that some of my inspiration for my blogs come from a certain friend I have on face book with some very very extreme and different beliefs then mine. (This is putting it nicely) Even when we have made each other mad, or have completely and utterly ignored or disagreed with the other we have maintained a certain degree of respect if for nothing more then the debate and the fact that we have known each other since 1st grade. For me the chance to defend my faith and opinions and in so doing learn just a little more about my apologetic abilities. It's also kept me aware of the arguments against "Christianity" that are out there because it never hurts to know the criticism of your faith. These reasons often out weighed the sometimes absurd and insensitive things he could come up with. Or the rather hateful things he would say toward "Christians"
I say that to say this
This will more then likely be my last blog inspired by (lets just call him Chad). I always thought it would be out of anger that I would delete him as a friend. That one of these days I would just read one of his intolerant and ill thought out status or comment on my status and delete him. I always thought about it and decided I didn't want to be one of those "Christians" that hes already said have done that to him because they didn't like what he had to say.Because their Holier then thouness kept them from seeing the truth about their faith.
Holier-than-thou a label I DO NOT want to have...or bible thumping...The idea is pure but the methods are lacking... both those titles require judging and hell fire and a I'm better then you attitude...that's not exactly what God had in mind when he said to go and make disciples....
However, the reason for walking away from this friendship (if you can call it that) is to me 100 times sadder then anger at a stupid status. It's the blackness of a heart. A heart that is so full of righteous hate it can't find sympathy for the hurting at least not.if the hurting is "Christian." A person that honestly believes that Christians deserve to be persecuted because of the deeds done by sinful people in the name of God in the past I really don't need in my life.
I know I'm a very calm, and loving person who sometimes sees the brokenness of the world and cry's real big tears...I mean I can't hardly watch violent TV shows and movies...Actually I really can't at all. They make my stomach upset and my head hurt. So for me it's really really REALLY hard to even wrap my mind around anyone even thinking that persecuting (I'm talking all kinds, extreme and not extreme Violent and nonviolent) is in some way justified or deserved or okay...EVER.
Today and really gradually lately conversations with (Chad) have left me feeling sad, they make my heart hurt. I mean how can anyone stand up to such blind and certain hatred? Our discussions have escalated quicker and quicker and the people he has in his court seem to be getting more and more extreme as well, So.much.anger.
The fun of the debate is no longer outweighing the negativity....and I don't need it in my life. Like my Pastor in Milwaukee said be careful that your faith is not hurt.
So. Much. Anger.....Anger at "Christians" because they make mistakes because some people that call themselves Christian are not in fact Christian at all. That we are all lumped together as pushy judgmental, gay hating, close minded people. The anger at my God because hes' not ALL LOVE like so many religions want you to embrace nowadays. Law and Gospel....Balance...Sins and Forgiveness for Sins...
I'm no better then he.
My faith is not something to be trifled with, nor is it something I will tolerate being mocked. My faith and hope in God is single handedly the ONLY thing that gets me out of bed in the morning. If I didn't have that hope that hope in a future that promise of heaven....I would be angry too. I've been there with out hope, without faith and it almost destroyed me...
All my life I've seen a world, that hates evil more then it loves good. This is how a heart breaks...turn on the News.
My heart breaks daily....how do you think God feels? Sometimes I wonder if he ever regrets promising to not flood the world again and start over. I can tell you this current world is lucky I'm not God....
Me I'm thankful for my rainbows, and even the rain, I'm thankful for sharing his word with children I'm thankful for the rewards in having 4 year old tell me the bible story at the end of the week. I'm thankful for hope...Though I deserve nothing, though I am no better then Chad I am ahead simply because I chose faith. Do not you dare suggest my faith is not tested, or understood because I have searched the other side.. the side without faith and found it black and fathomless....
He has just a little more time to clarify his statement....but God is preparing for me for the fact that he won't He seriously means that what ISIS is doing right now is okay because it's simply making the "Christian" less dominate in the world. He really is okay with that fact that if we ever got tot he point here in America where Christians could be killed here for their belief in God that I Leah could go up there and die....because as he put it "It's your turn to be on the other end of the Woomping Stick."
and my heart breaks. for a dear friend that has a "Spirit" come to him while meditating years ago...and ask if he could enter him and give him knowledge...for a friend so lost and ensnared in the world of sin and Satan that he is but an empty shell of the friend I have known for over 20 years. I am sad for the fact that each day that "Spirit" or demon has just a little more of (Chad) that the rest of the world will be missing out on. Yet at the same time it's time, it's time for me to walk away. All I can do is pray....Maybe someday...
This is how a heart breaks.... watching friends walk down roads you can not, dare not go, and you can do absolutely nothing to stop it.