Monday, August 11, 2014

The Easy Way/ Rage and War

This past spring I ran into a family that did not much care for my teaching, abilities, methods, or for me in general. It's been a struggle ever since inside myself, to forgive the nasty letter, the lack of communication and the basically not fair opinions they still harbor toward me. It's been a struggle and honestly I did not ever actually DEAL with these issues. The anger, the hurt, and the general dislike for said family. I just told myself (a few more weeks and it will be over) they even flat out said If I don't go they will go. Well I didn't go..
Summer started I was blessed to work with the school age children and that included their other child. So I dealt with the rudeness and unfriendliness near everyday.  But that's okay it's just for summer it's not the same as school...the anger, the hurt, the general dislike for fellow man lingered.

Now summer is passing and with no other options my class turned out to be the lesser of evils...

I cried, I cried from frustration and not understanding just what I did to make this family dislike me so much, I cried for the fact that they don't like me and that bothers me, because God forbid someone not like me. I cried and all the joy and excitement of starting out this new year was gone in the simple words "they enrolled"

Yet that voice in my heart behind my eyes whispers "This is the day the Lord has made"

I was so counting on just letting it be, just trying to move on and do my job as best I can. So counting on the problem just going away. But that's rarely how life works, and certainly God isn't going to let bitterness dwell in my heart chocking out his word.


Somewhere in the midst of my tantrum today over the whole unfairness of it all, it dawned on me, God didn't let them find a better option, God didn't remove them from my life. That maybe their is a reason for this. For me and for them. They had to swallow a lot of pride, and a lot of very unfeeling and hurtful words to come back. We all lose...yet I fear they feel I have won.

Maybe the problem all along is that I have done nothing NOTHING but regard this family as simply a "problem" and not individuals, hurting, lost, in need of God's word and doing the best they can for their children. Does this realization make this situation any less awkward no. But maybe just maybe it can make it less upsetting. Does this realization make me want to forgive them and oh my...LOVE THEM as God demands? No. But I bet it will help me get their a whole lot faster.

So forgive me for my melt-down, for my lack of faith that God's got this,that hes up to something bigger then me, them, and this. I wanted to quit and probably if I could find another job I might have but that solves nothing. I'm scared yes, could they make my job a lot harder, yes...but that doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. I always do this, get upset but in the end, through all the stuff I have gone through in my profession the past 9 years. Despite my gripping and complaining and belly aching...I've ALWAYS done my job to the GLORY of God and to the best of my ability. Every situation that has felt like the end of the world has worked out just fine in the end...I'm glad to have that knowledge to cling to now... No matter how unfair whatever it is I'm dealing with is(or seems to be).  I'

"Whatever you do, do for the Glory of God"

In all things God works for the glory of those who love them ~Romans 8~

I could pray that God takes this cup from me, that they move to something else,  and I'll most likely get a solid no. Or I could pray as I ask you to pray, that God can use all of this to his glory, that I can do what I"m on earth to do. I'm upset don't get me wrong still very upset...this won't be easy and I'm human I'll go down kicking and screaming...and God will still do as he will. Abba Father...

I go months with out writing and now I've so much I want to write about. Feast of famine I suppose.

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