Criticism...I've never been very good at taking it, I've always appreciated it for the most part when delivered tactfully and with the intent to help. Yet even then I'm not good at taking it. I take things so personally all the time, things that are in no way my fault. I know I've come a long long way since high school and even early college..actually even since marriage. But yet I've cried a couple times now when a parent has come to me..and I feel terrible each time I do it because it makes that person feel bad..and it's not their fault. Then I get frustrated because they don't come to me again after that..Oh I could just shot myself (hows that for dramatic...)
I still and always will hate confrontation... though now I do confront despite that hate. It's way better then the worry, and the "drama" in not knowing.
It never stops amazing me; people can be so blind to their own faults. All people myself included.
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. ~Matthew 7:3-5~
It was brought to my attention rather bluntly that "I like drama" while I see where it's coming from because I am dramatic...I was a terribly dramatic child..just thinking about my childhood even through 8th grade I cringe...So yes I'm the first to admit I'm dramatic (just ask my older brothers)...but I've also been working on it and it's amazing how God can calm me and how far far FAR I have come since then (writing helps but God has helped more) However, I would not go so far to say that I "like" drama...
After this was said to me I was at first angry, yet I could not understand why I was angry about that? Maybe it was the way it was delivered. Like I was a child being put up with, as I do with my nieces dramatics, and not a friend or adult 27 years of age.. an annoyance...not an equal.
Maybe that's part of it... but I've been thinking about it for a while now, and I think it's always hard to have pointed out something you have been working hard on for so long a time. To feel like maybe I'm just fooling myself and I haven't improved. When in actuality I have but it's not 100%. Then to think farther on the subject and realize that some people last remember a younger and in my case a less calm individual, they have not been around for one reason or another as life happens...to see the growth and change.
I wonder how many times I have done this to people... held against them their past actions forgetting that in some matters people do indeed change...
"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken a hold of it. But on thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead." ~Philippians 3:13~
This is not a justification of my actions or rather my (writings). It's an observation. I'm not good at being blunt in an awkward situation...so I hint, and self ridicule instead of simply asking straight out what or if someone has a problem with me...or if it's all good. I know I don't take confrontation well and I assume wrongly that others are the same way. Actions I didn't even realize I did until this conversation giving off the appearance of drama, then it was like glass shattering and it all made sense. I use to just let things go and it would build and build and build...
So yeah, I'm not who I was 10 years ago, I'm not who I was 5 years ago, I'm nothing like I was 3 years ago. Thank. God.
You don't know who a person is by a couple of talks over a period of years...That's the joy of human interaction; you never know who your're going to meet, who will stick in your life and who will drift off... I thank God everyday for who he has made me to be..and I thank God for the people that have been through this whole journey with me, as well for the people who have fallen out, or who were only in it for a short time. Also for the few that have drifted in and out a number of times over the years.
Life is all your moments in a row..blink and watch them go. Tread softly tomorrow will pass in the twinkle of an eye.
I'll always be a writer, a poet, and therefor I will always play around with dramatics. I will always feel words, and thoughts...It's a way of life for me. Sometimes it's the only way I can keep breathing...Yet I know the need for balance.
"He has made everything beautiful in it's time, He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from begging to end." ~Ecclesiastes 3:11?~ (can't read my hand writing not near my bible it's 11 or 12.)
I have to stop tying myself wroth to the approval of others and my success in this world.