Recently my cousin wrote a blog on the 12th anniversary of her mom, my aunts death. As the cousins status and blogs do every year on that day, it reduced me to tears. As I remember being with them through that time....and through her whole battle with cancer. As I remember the funeral and the weeks that followed everyday after school with my cousins. On the outside and the inside, knowing and not knowing. My cousin remembers her mother and her family as a family.
I remember her as my first teacher, and the first adult outside of church to talk about God. I remember her faith as she dealt with cancer. Once I was old enough I came to realize how amazing she was to deal with what she dealt with each day. Her love for her kids and her brothers kids and anyone...I remember thinking even as as sophomore in high school...searching for a place to fit in in the public schools with my faith...that there was just something about Aunt Barb that made her different made her strong regardless of her body riddled with cancer. She was so strong.
On the other side of that there is peace.. There was this lady...that heaven is blessed to have, who once told me " I do it one day at a time, with God and love" and those words...I'll never forget in the Griffin kitchen early fall probably around 11 years old. Those words have never left me...even when I walked away from God.
My Grandmother Joyce Dravis
That lady was a spit fire, an all for God fire, an Ill-do-anything-for-you-lady. Her love for her family her stubbornness even I guess her love for dancing is so much like me. She would give you the shirt off her back if you asked. She never said an unkind thing. A few years after she died I found a journal of hers my mom had.. Her faith oh to have but a fraction of her faith....I love you Grandma the angels are lucky to have you too!
Chad and Dana Benkert...the Eclipse. The people on the other side of my stupidity. Just proves that God won't turn his back on you, even if you turn your back on God. Whatever made Carrie Little invite me to go with her to this place called the Eclipse...but I owe her a thank you. To people that showed me that its okay to go out of your comfort zone in my case "WELS" bubble into a light goth underground crowed and still find a faith and a passion for Jesus that surprised me. To adults that weren't boring yet they had rules and expected them to be obeyed. How told me it was okay to question, to search as long as I didn't give up....they were there as I tried to define the faith of my parents.
Angel...who knew someone you met on a trip in highschool that it would take until college to truly realize what a gift she really was. With Angel my faith renewed at WLC got roots and stuck...and to this day ours is a friendship like none other I have experienced for we have a friendship on a spiritual level..
Most of all, my Mom and Dad..not so much in the spiritual we talk about Jesus ways...but in the example of what a family is, what a marriage is, what hardship is and what your strength is built on. Those people who's faith is more shown then expressed and who love is an action more then an emotion. They took me to church when I was little, the put me in a privet school as long as they the could...they set rules that were at times unrealistic but made out of love for me. I thank them for it.
The only people in the world that have seen me through all the pain and happiness of my life and love me still.
Some of these people I never talk to let alone see any more, some are still a large part of my life, some have moved on to The Lord, but all who have contributed to me becoming who I am.
All these people I see God in and all I can do is pray and strive to be that person to someone else.
The song they played at my aunts funeral so many years ago "Thank you" by Ray Boltz that song and the song "I see God in You" by Laura Landon are two songs I can only hope someone would hear and think of me. I've a lot of work to do and a lot of life to experience but I know their are others on this journey who God has placed in my path to help and who will be a help. Forever until God has all his people their will be a ceratin number out there with my faith facing the world that I face.