Saturday, December 29, 2012

Bye Bye Birdie

      It's funny really, how when I have a solid week or so of God time. In the word, on my knees, how many things go wrong in life to try and distract you from that. It's times like this when I think of something a friend told me once. I was upset about everything that was going wrong and he said "Leah, I think you just got the Devil scared, because maybe your going to do something amazing for God. He's just trying to distract you."

     I'm not sure if that's the case or not, but it helps me stay focused on what is important. Today my husband and our Nissan went to battle against a cement wall, and the car lost. I'll probably never drive Birdie again. But you know what, my husband walked away from it and in the end it's just a car, yes it's inconvenient and costly...but that's life.  I said it last night I'll say it again. To be on earth is not to be comfortable.

  It's hard when emotions start flying around inside you, I could clearly see my husband was upset, and scared, and well the last thing he needed was for me to get upset about money, or the fact we only have one car now...At least you are okay, at least we have another car. At least the Nissan was paid off, at least we didn't drop the insurance coverage. That's what I said,

   We as people get so hard on ourselves when things get messed up, or what not, I do it...I get so angry sometimes at myself oh i could just scream at myself. Honestly I have before. It's so easy to forget hey we are sinful, we are not perfect, we make mistakes. Jesus loves us and he forgives us. It's just stuff, it's just moments in time that really don't add up to much in the end.

   So now I have moments when I think, gosh what are we going to do? and that voice of panic in me, the sinful man in me starts getting worked up. This is what I'm going to do..One day at a time, God will lead me to where he is taking me and who am I to question the method of the journey.

  Thank.You.God.For.Protecting.My. Husband.

 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.~ Romans 8:18~

Friday, December 28, 2012

To be on Earth is to not be Comfortable.

Lamentations 3:38-40

New International Version (NIV)

Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
that both calamities and good things come?
Why should the living complain
when punished for their sins?
Let us examine our way and test them,
and let us return to the LORD.

Think about it for a minute, how much time in one day do you spend complaining?  Do I? I challenge you to think about it all the next day, see if you can go even one day with out complaining once about anything. Being cold, a co-worker, your boss, your children, your spouse, anything. Do you think it's even possible? 

I'm not sure if I'm even going to be able to do it  myself, if I wanted to be really  honest probably not. Just like focusing on how many times you say I the stuff we do with out thinking about it, or not realizing how we sound or what we are saying. Those are the things that sometimes have the largest impact on your day, or someone else. One complaint one negative thought could make someone else go ahh I never thought of that. 

and who are we to complain when we are nothing but sinners whom God has decided to love and bless. Oh, and we are all so so guilty each one of us. I complain about being tired after work, or how naughty the children were, or how many kids are in my room, or having to answer the door bell, or do the dishes. How frustrated God must get with our whining and complaining, I know I get frustrated at the 3 year olds...maybe we don't use the same high pitched voice but it's still the same isn't it? 

Sometimes I like to go back and visit the Israelite's in the desert. I mean God had just showed his power, his glory, his anger they had just seen him part water and wash away an army. He gave them food from heaven. They the Israelite's had all of that shown to them and yet they complained and cried out in anger. And in result generations passed before they saw the promise land. Because of their unbelief and complaining, they died in exile....

What do we lose out on when we complain? What blessing is God trying to bring to us through our trials, through our discomfort. 

To be on earth is to not be comfortable: it is to serve, it is to love, it is to share...and sometimes these thing are uncomfortable..and to complain is a sin. For if we were ever to be truly comfortable here, if we were truly to have nothing to complain about....



Thursday, December 27, 2012

God is in the Lesson Plans

     I spent most of my day today lesson planning for the rest of the year. Oh, how I wish I would have had more time to plan this year. I mean a 3 year old class room being dropped on you two weeks in doesn't leave much room for planning. Oh and the ideas I have for next year...I'm doing the best I can.

    So I'm working today sitting on my living room floor, in what ever yoga position feels comfortable for a few minutes.  I'm thinking of all the times I've heard people say. "no one works as much as me" "I always have to stay late.""No one works more over time then me" "It's not fair"  And as I'm sitting on my floor for near 6 hours on my day off; I think about walking away from those conversations because I don't want to play the my life is worse game...we could compare all day, and in the end not one of us would feel better. I've been there though the spot where it just doesn't seem fair. However, other then earlier hours nothing has changed I still start early and stay late now I take home newsletters, and projects, and lesson plans, and bible stories. Yet I don't get angry when I have to stay late. Because...


What changed?

Nothing, but my heart, and I think if my heart can change over that, when that who feeling of injustice was huge. Then there is hope, as I go on through the things I feel called upon to fix inside of me. As I look back at all the things God has worked out of me already. I have hope...

    When I want a baby, and I want to get out of the city, and I want my family, and I'm tired, and I'm having a bad day. When it's not fair watching everyone else get what I want, and what I think I deserve or need. When I judge them based on how I think I have been acting.... How often do you use the word I? go back through your facebook status messages....just look...yet

It' me.  

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

why is that? If it's not about you or me, who are we to think we can judge?

Lesson plans, God is in the lesson plans, and it's not about me, it's about the children, and I'm no hero, but all God has on this earth are our hands...and all I can do is try to serve him with them. I've needed to have that reminder as of late, that I'm hear for those kids, to do the Lords work and nothing I do is because of me but because of HIM. why is that lesson so hard to learn, when a kid has no problem believing that God saved 3 men from a furnace  helped a boy kill a giant, and the one I love the most gave barren ladies a baby. How many years did those woman pray for that child? I've been praying for just over one? sister I may have a long way to go. But


One day at a time, I set out with my feet on the ground my eyes on the Lord, and his words in my heart. I love because he loves, I serve because I can not because I have too. This is how I can do more at least for now.

what about you?


Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Our hearts are not at home

Everyday is a struggle, a constant reminder that we are not home.

How fast can I update on the crazy trip the last few months have been. After the
Miscarriage summer ended and school started back up back to assistant in the 3K room... And two weeks in God decided to test me still more. So now I am the lead teacher in a room with an average of 20 three year old children everyday...there was a reason I dropped the early education track in college.

I must say I've learned more about myself in the past 3 months then I ever thought I could in such short time a I've learned how I react to my boss adding yet another child to my program, I've learned how I react to a coworkers child throwing tantrums. Ive learned that each day no matter how bad has a little moment of win... I've  learned that I might not have my life as together as I want people to believe and it took a room full of three year olds to show me that's okay... Most importantly I've learned that no matter how impossible or defeated I feel..God always gives me enough grace and strength for the day. And in this life enough for today is all you really need.

However I am reminded of the saying if God leads you to it he will lead you through it, I'm still not sure I understand just what God has been getting me ready for this past year. Nor do I know how much longer this refinement period is going to last, and those nights I cry myself to sleep...those are the nights his promise of a life time lingers on..and I need to have the patients to wait until God has sifted me, refined me and For him to say "Beloved, it is time for with these cuts I have made you whole."

I. Just. Feel. Called. To. Do. Something. More.