Friday, September 4, 2015

And if not...

The hurting is less often....but when it hurts...

I bought this. long before the knowledge that I may never have a reason to display it was even in the back of my mind. It's been in my grandpas trunk for almost 7 years now.


I've never been one to buy baby items and keep them hidden away for that precious little one I would one day have. I've been tempted but I'm thankful now that I haven't. Yet I've kept what was mine...barbies, American Girl Dolls, and my childhood prized collection of original my little ponies all collecting dust (except the barbie house my daddy made which is a staple in my preschool classroom). And this...this one willow tree statue that I broke my own rule and bought...

I found it today in my grandpas trunk tucked away next to the ashes of my kitty Pharaoh who is waiting for us to own a yard in which to bury him properly. Both things beyond me now and a life marching on. 

After putting wishes and dreams on hold yet again this summer and fighting the feelings of just giving up on these wishes and dreams...today I know I am still holding on to God's Promises...and I know my hearts desires still live tucked away in a corner of my heart. They hurt me but I could not go on without them.  I know this because when I found this simple statue today my first thought was "someday" and if that's not faith than it's hope.

My heart hurts, but life goes on.

So now this statue sits in sight because its mine and I like it and one way or another it's a dream and its beautiful and I haven't given up. 

I hurt, I cry, sometimes I despair...though more often than not I'm okay...because I know as with all my prayers...


"And if not....God is still good."