Thursday, August 29, 2013

First off

First off, let me start by apologizing...my life has been a whirlwind of activity and will probably continue to be for at least a month until we settle into a routine in this new chapter of our lives.

Followed by a statement I have been happy to make many times in the last two or so weeks.

I'm Back.

I find it hard to write this blog

A. When there is a lot of turmoil in my life, because I live by the rule, not to complain and if I type this up when I'm upset or unsettled or stressed I will complain. So I chose not to write at all.

B. When I'm so overwhelmed with stuff to write about, and when it's been as long as it has, and this much has happened I find I'm at the later of these...

So lets re-cap the amazing blessings and the vice verses that come with them.

August 15th: I said good-bye to the wonderful people and children that make up Good Shepherd's Lutheran School and Child Care. Ending with taking my school age kids roller skating. And it was a blast. Oh, how I miss them...so very very much. Oh, how blessed I was to be able to be a part of their lives, and I can only hope that my rules of always show respect and always show love will stick with them as they grow and are lead by others.

August 17th I moved in one day from Menomonee Falls, doing some crazy kind of time travel back to my parents basement in Cassopolis (basically Dowagiac) Michigan. With the help of some AMAZING friends and family who again I am very very blessed to have.

August 19th I started my first day at St. Johns as a get this....Preschool Teacher...
and have spent days in my room setting it up, cleaning and lesson planning and meeting some of the children I now am blessed to work with!   I am much less terrified then I was before this two week period and even somewhat prepared! With a new group of children to love and teach and a new group of co-workers to get to know I'd say I am blessed not only to have a job in Michigan because lets face it ...no one gets a job in Michigan. But I am blessed to work at a place where I can continue to share my faith and hope.

It's been about 12 days and I have already gone line dancing  Three times, with another trip tomorrow. Oh how I have missed it, I've already lost weight and I can listen to country music which I haven't done in a couple years because it just made me sort of sad.

Everything is different...yet the same...

the nearest Starbucks is 25 minutes away...the nearest WalMart is 25 Minutes away...the nearest ANYTHING is 25 minutes away.. my drive to work is a completely different story...dirt roads, and a two lane highway and no rush hour traffic, considerably less construction not that it's necessary a good thing.

The pace is what I have missed. It's slow in ways Milwaukee was fast and fast in a completely different way then Milwaukee at its slowest. According to my husband who is currently working part time on a farm and at a feed store (I'll have myself a farmer yet) who has never lived in anything but city in his life, and has spent most of his time with me in city where I'm a little less active. "This is going to be and exhausting two years"

Me, I'm ready to go...learn that dance, drive to Angels, do yoga on a deck, pet a cow, climb a tree, drive fast down a dirt road and watch the red dirt fly behind me...I'm ready to find a bonfire and shot some cans, I'm ready to find myself again. I'm ready to slow down and drive through the night listening to my not alright CD and talk, thank, or even yell at God. I'm ready to take a breath feel the grass under my bare feet. I'm home...and all I can do is pray that my wonderful husband learns to love it as much as I. As my older friends at Cowboy Up have always called me I'm a little fire cracker...and as one said last night. Our firecracker is back!

But I have to remember, it's not just me I'm not 19 and I have a husband, so in this adjustment and balance as my husband turns his life upside down for my sake...As he works two part time jobs drives to full time school and an internship I have to remember it's not about me and maybe he doesn't want to dance, maybe he wants a beer and a movie and some time to sit and relax.

So much I'm excited about so much I miss...

In it all...Their is God...even if my church is not, well what I like, or am use too, it's my church and somehow maybe we can do some good there. God's in the fields and the line dance bar and in our marriage and even if it's harder to tell if you look God is in my church for it is his house and one more come there together in his name. So yes I miss my friends in Milwaukee, I miss the convenience of living less then 5 min away from everything...

Just like I miss the Eclipse, or Cowboy Up when I was single, or certain people I don't see or talk to anymore...it's all a part of me I'm blessed to have experiences that have made me who I am...A God who has proven himself time and time again.

First off...

I.am.Blessed.

Second..

I.am.back.




Thursday, August 8, 2013

Don't panic...

I.am.weak.

Sorry it's been so long..moving date is 8 days away and I'm trying not to panic...and when I'm not worried about panicking I'm fighting back tears...

And in the end I'm basically left exhausted .

I've been scared to write for I've done an awful lot of complaining and second guessing lately..not enough praying and meditating on the word.

I'm reminded of  our wedding verses...


Matthew 6:31-34
So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat? ’ or ‘What shall we drink? ’ or ‘What shall we wear? ’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Lord forgive my unbelief...

It never stops amazing me how comfortable we can get in life. Then also how hard it is to deal with changing that. Where I've been I've been taking in the blessings of an amazing church, surrounded by people my age that share my beliefs...and at some point I have to take all that I have learned in these past years and go give back.

Im.terrified.

I'm negative right now and I need your prayers...that I stay rooted in the word and built up in his love. That I find the peace he holds out and not worry about tomorrow...

If he leads you to it...he will lead you through it.

Did you know that the Hebrew word for amen means "so be it" think about that when you next you pray...at that statement...for  his will be done...so.be.it.

Or in other words.

DON'T PANIC....Gods got it.

If I tell myself that enough ill start to believe it right?

By far not my most coherent blog..nor my most eloquent...but I'm sorta on panic mode...

And the long and short of it is I shouldn't worry ...please pray for us. Because our lives are going to have to be extreme for The Lord very very soon...I won't be shaken...my hope is in The Lord.