Thursday, July 25, 2013

Discouraged and I'm sorry.


Stressed out...

Life just won't let up.

I can't tell you how many status I've seen reflecting these feelings lately, how many people I've talked to or have seen in their faces the basic worn condition of the's everywhere lately and I'm not sure why or what battle is coming. All I can say is I know I have been acting according to how I feel, and not to how I believe.

I have not been very pleasant to live with, nor very understanding to other peoples pain. I have been selfish, angry, and defeated. I can blame it on stress, lack of sleep or what not..but what it comes down to is my thoughts. What I focus on each day. What my eyes and ears are taking in and my mouth is putting out. Oh I've written so often of the "power of words" No I'm not one to share all my strife with every person that happens to ask how I'm doing, I'm not posting my misery all over facebook but I am one to dwell on it...

I'm simply tired both physically and mentally...and when it comes down to it I'm tired because my priorities are all wrong. We talked about it tonight in community group. How easy it is to fall away to not necessarily forget our Lord but to forget to remember him.  My time with the Lord has suffered because I am angry with him...and each time I feel like I've dealt with that anger it's shown to me again but slowly one step at a time until one day who knows.

... I've been blessed to have a safety net of community group, YP group, church, friends, and a pastor I can talk to about that even though I'm angry I'm still placing myself in the word of God.

What happens when I move...?

that. question. terrifies. me.

But why?

Shouldn't God be enough? Oh the condition of the heart is so easily soiled the dragon lives in all of us...I feel guilty for being angry...and that guilt makes me feel unworthy, and like it's worthless to even try...all because I'm angry and selfish...I'm angry because I'm selfish and selfish because I'm thinking about me and not God.

How do you overcome?

spend time with your Lord as he promised to return his glory to Jerusalem if his people rebuilt his temple to honor him in that city again. It took them almost 20 years to actually get the job done..because just like me they were distracted, worn out, had their own agendas and fears. The Lord had to stir his people up, sending Haggie, and Zachariah to them to share his lucky are we to have them already...and still how discouraged we are even holding the bible and God's promises for "hope and a future" for glory in heaven" in our hands...and find the nerve to say


Oh, the mind can turn from this to that and the world is lost in a heart beat.

Romans 8.

Even Revelation can be a comfort to the believer. In a world where we are scoffed at...we know in the end Jesus wins. We know that our present sufferings are not worth comparing and that God can teach us to number our days aright.

Why is knowing so easy and believe so hard? Why is it even the strongest in faith can be so very very weak in the face of life. What is God trying to teach me, what is he getting me ready for? God is bigger then this, he's bigger then me....

No we are not alone in our anger, in our selfishness, in our unbelief, in our worries, pain, and fears. but we have to's not about us. I'ts not about bills, work, family, friends, or even our spouses. In the end it's about Jesus and the condition of our hearts. Examine your they reflect our Lord?

Lord, forgive my unbelief

I'm angry and I'm sorry,
I'm discouraged...and not content
I'm guilty...and still loved
a sinner and still forgiven

‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’[a] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” ~Revelation 21:4~

Lord, forgive my unbelief


Thursday, July 11, 2013

Placing it in God's Hands.

most true Christians don't so much leave it all up to God when it comes to life. When things go wrong we are not taught to just sit there because Gods going to take are of it. No, we are asked to trust God that thee things are happening for a reason, whatever the reason maybe the reason is simply because he wants you to do something for yourself,  to grow your faith. to get your attention, to help someone else later on with the same struggle. There are so many possible reasons for suffering and so many ways to deal with it.

A lot of people when they go through trials...I should speak for myself when I suffer in this world and say "I am believing God" it doesn't mean I'm not taking steps to make it better. We put our lives in Gods hands trusting he will place the people, the experiences, the thing we need at that moment to get us through.

We...I don't suffer because I'm not doing anything for myself though maybe some do, or maybe some just don't know what else to do...maybe they have tried everything tapped out all their resources and have nothing left but God. Who are you why someone is suffering. You don't know the condition of the heart.

I've been scolded because I made a comment that some belief systems believe they need to worship a certain god to get stuff in life ie food, rain, money, long life...., or that the gods are punishing them for some reason and that is why they are suffering...

No we suffer because we live in a sinful world, but we are told that Jesus has overcome the world.

John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”


1 Peter 1:6-9
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire —may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.


To be on earth is to to be comfortable

Psalms 90:10
Our days may come to seventy years,
or eighty, if our strength endures;
yet the best of them are but trouble and sorrow,
for they quickly pass, and we fly away.

No, I'm not surprised when I encounter trials and hardships....

ah but this time, this time I've been so weak, I've dropped my shilds and now I'm struggling....

It was  struggle tonight to go to community group and I thank God for a husband who steppe up and said "we are going:"...I'm angry, I'm selfish, and these weeds are strangling my faith.

Community group was wonderful tonight...just praying with people is a huge help in faith. I'm so glad I went...God is good.

 I was reminded tonight of something I was ignoring...through all this past month, bad news. a cat dying, a car breaking, sudden unexpected expenses..the friends we have we are so blessed. One driving his truck here to help us move for a fraction of the price of a uhaul truck. Another fixing our car for a fraction of the cost of taking it to a shop, yes it sucks these expenses have come up and it's frustrating when your trying to cut down on debt and life happens and it's all for nothing. Yet I am so blessed to have people to turn to to help. I am so blessed that even when I'm wrongfully angry at God, he is still there waiting when I get over myself and give it to God. The peace to deal with the strains...they are not magically gone once you give it up to them, but they are now faceable...they are now just a little thing in the big the upper story...

I am blessed, and thanks for your prayers....

Just know, when I say "I'm counting on you God because I haven't go anything else" dosn't mean I haven't tried.

"Endure the storm just one more day, so you may fully appreciate the calm.?

Monday, July 8, 2013

Please Pray (A confession in stream of consciousness)

I figured it

I'm really struggling with my faith right now.
                the struggling...
it terrifies me.

How easy we...I...fall into the thought pattern when things go wrong of "Why?" "I'm a good person, this is not fair"                    
                                         I'm. Worn. and Oh am I ever


I know all the right verses... I know time and time again God has proven himself my strength and my shelter...and I know my cup runs over.

Knowing doesn't help the believing and Believing doesn't help the knowing.

                                                                  because I feel
                                                              like my faith is failing
                                                                  beyond repair
       It's the endless torment of the human soul, as old as Adam and Eve;In in the wake of a  slithering snake
                                                                  because I feel
                                                              like my faith is failing.
                                                                  All I can do is


In a blink, in a breath, in a tear, hope can slip away...give way...break away. When all that holds you up falls to pieces around you, what are you left with if not faith
                                                                                      re-evaluate who I really am.

God, your up to something, bigger then me....
                                                      bigger then this.
                              If I believe nothing right now, I have to believe that.

My bible gathers dust, my prayer journal is frozen in time....and even then..
                                                                                   time marches on... 

Oh, I'm tired
a tired beyond sleep, a tired beyond physical,

of fighting the good fight....
but not tired enough to give in
not tired enough to surrender

"Because in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary."

Lord, help me in my unbelief.
Renew my mind, and keep my heart alive....Only you can save me.

                                        Now in closing  brothers...and sisters
                                        pray, that our faith..... will catch like fire
                                        because the whole world,
                                        because you
                                                     because......... I
                                                                   need encouragement.

In the wake of hate, and pain, the face of the world we are all at the same time sinners...and 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SAINTS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~. 

I figure it out today

I'm really struggling with my faith right now.
                            and the struggling...

it terrifies me.

So please 

Sunday, July 7, 2013

The God of Sunday School, the God of Love....Stand Firm the world is spinning out of control.

"I am the way the truth and the life no one comes to the father except through me."~ John 14:6~

that doesn't leave much room for worshiping or following or believing in another god does it?

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him (not any other god) shall not parish but have eternal life."

parenthesis are my own addition.

"That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.~Romans 10:9,10~

doesn't leave much room to say Jesus was just a prophet...

Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them: “Rulers and elders of the people! If we are being called to account today for an act of kindness shown to a man who was lame and are being asked how he was healed, 10 then know this, you and all the people of Israel: It is by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified but whom God raised from the dead, that this man stands before you healed. 11 Jesus is
“‘the stone you builders rejected,
    which has become the cornerstone.’[a]
12 Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.”

bold was added by me to show that according to the bible there is  no other way to salvation. Yes, God is love Yes, God loves all mankind, Yes God wants EVERYONE to believe and be saved.


 God did not leave room for other means of getting to heaven. No, God will not save you from eternal damnation if you do not believe in your heart he is Lord. No, God does not share his glory with lesser gods. No you can not worship the God of the bible and other gods and say you worship the same God as I do. Because if you truly believed in the God of the bible you would not have any need nor desire to entertain others.

and in the face of those who point to you and mock you...who pick out certain part of your faith of the bible and spit it in your face making you out to be a bad person and an even worse Christian (in the modern sense of the term) In the face of the world slipping out of control, in the face of morals being stripped down to make way for "human rights" in the face of babies dying before they even had a chance to defend themselves, in the face of the marriage God set up being turned into a mockery, in the face of fires, and storms, and global the face of everything bad in this world

and in the end feeling as if you are alone in your faith surrounded by the brokenness of the world...

remember..but for such a time as this...

as the 144.000 of Revelation remind us, there is a set number of people on this earth that have your faith, and multitudes already in heaven.


and the world is still spinning because God's work and our work is not done, not until he claims his last into his hand. Not until his seal is stamped on those that are his.

Yes, God is love
Yes, we are to share his love
Yes, the world will mock you, point at you, scold you, and it will only get worse

Stand firm because our God has overcome the world!

We are his people, We can not be Shaken,

 I don't fight with my knowledge, I don't stand up for my faith with words of others..if you are going to quote the bible to me, to prove "Christianity" a farce to make me look bad, then you better know just what your saying and you better have your facts about the bible straight.....Don't spew the bible in my face and expect me to fold my hands and take it, No the only thing I can fight with is God's word, it's what Jesus fought with when tempted by Satan in the desert. It's sharper then a double edge sword and it's the armor of God.

so. back. off. this. whole. Christians. are terrible. trip. and live the lifestyle you so passionately preach...tolerance and love. at least I don't pretend to tolerate everyone and every belief. I respect them and I love them as a person but I don't have to agree with them nor do I pretend too.

Hello, my name is "child of the one true King"

Come Lord Jesus....Come.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

I am sure of what I hope and and certain of what I do not see.

I'm tired,
So much going on, so much to do, so much.....stuff.

If I hear or read one more time about the close mindedness of Christians. Christian being defined in this post as the followers of Christ and the Bible and the bible being viewed as the truth and the exact words of God...if I have to keep cool one more time when the Church as defined in the bible and the building I go too today are lumped together negatively as a man made and human, sin riddled thing I'll scream. Not because it's not true today but because the definition of Church is VERY different then the present day one.

Church is "anywhere two or more come together in his name." Simply that, nothing more.

We call it a church today because guess what two or more come together in his name. You do not have to attend a specific church to have a close and wonderful relationship with God.  Though at some point if your faith walk is even a little legit you will crave it eventually because it is good for the soul, for the spirit and for your faith to have the fellowship that "Church" in the modern sense offers.

Have you ever gotten into a discussion with a radical? or even anyone who believes different then you do? have you ever noticed that each side argues from their perspective? Their opinions and ideas and thoughts. Have you ever found yourself in the middle of these discussions thinking...boy this is pointless.

The next time you think about throwing out the term close minded whether you be a Christian or not think twice for "who are you, or I to judge?" You do not know everything a person has been through to bring them to this point of faith or no faith. When you accuse them of not doing the "homework" for their beliefs maybe you should remember that you have no clue what they have gone through, studied and consciously chosen for a belief system already.

If I'm close minded because I am unwilling to just roll over when someone thinks they have an original and new thought to prove some detail about my faith wrong...Satan you got a new thing coming so far I've hear nothing I've never heard before.

"There is nothing new under the sun"~Ecclesiastics~

what if I just don't want to read other religious texts because I believe the words in the bible to be true each and every word and therefore that belief in itself renders any other religious text nil....Isn't that my choice? Isn't my choice in a belief system suppose to be tolerated??  call my faith blind, or call it is what it is.

It's an ageless expectation.

Oh tolerance you are thrown around so lightly...My God loves but he does not tolerate.

I find myself lately having a hard time not slinging mud back, You've never seen a statues on my facebook dragging radicals or pagans, or Jehovah Witnesses or Agnostics, or any other sort of religious group through the mud, pointing at them and in trying to convince others of their weakness, their faults, really judge them simply because they are not what you believe. Not that I'm better then the person who does, for it is a temptation and it has crossed my mind, so I am no better then they.

No,world I will not roll over and take it, I will not read the Koran simply because I'm told to. No, I've done my research I've been stripped of my faith and I can now stand by it, defend it and in the end understand that   it's okay to believe it with all my heart...and I have a right to share what I believe with others...but I have no right to tear into a belief system and deem it unworthy.I have no wish to destroy a persons faith simply because I think I know better then they do. That is now what Jesus meant when he sent us forth to Go and make disciples.

But I will pray and I will share the good news of Jesus over and over again and no one with logic or other words can stop me. We can bicker over doctrine and religious sects all we want but it does not change the fact that Jesus died for EVERYONE that Jesus forgives EVERYTHING...he is the way the truth and the light. The "I AM". Jesus is Lord as God tells Moses through a burning bush "I am the I AM" and Jesus tells in his trial "I AM" .

All we need to do is believe and be saved.  Amen Hallelujah

I have no desire to understand fully everything in the bible. I am content to know what i know and trust God continue teaching me the  rest. I love to learn more and dive in deeper to God's word and I will never stop learning....Why should that bother others so much? Why should my faith be trampled under arrogance and pried when my faith has never hurt anyone? Hurt has been done in the name of Jesus or in the name of a specific religious sinful group... but true faith will build up, will uphold will 1, always show respect 2.will always show love...the two exact rules I have in my summer room....

I am standing on the promises of God.

This I most certainly believe.