Sunday, June 30, 2013

Be Still and Know that I Am God

People, people are fascinating and the friendships are even more so.
People are exhausting, and some of my friendships even more so.

I generally don't like people, especially in large groups at a time, I'm not so much anti-social as selectively social. Its not that I don't love people I am suppose to love my fellow man, I just don't like to be around them all the time, I like to hang out, but I don't have to do it all the time, I like to go out but I like even more to stay in.

I've never ever been into the bar scene, hoping from one bar to another, up until this past year I had very rarely done it and even then it was to one bar and home. I'm over it, I never got into it, but i'm over it. I lived by the rule, if I didn't have line dancing, I didn't go. I wouldn't mind getting back to that.

I've never been much for talking, let alone small talk...even hanging out with  a friend and a group of thier "other friends" that I know of or what not but don't know, makes me uncomfortable and tired..

some people just make me tired,

F. Scott Fitzgerald explains Tom and Daisy perfectly,

"They were careless people, Tom and Daisy--they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money of their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made."
- F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby, Ch. 9

This weekend I couldn't help but going back to that quote a number of times, I had fun yes, and maybe they don't retreat into money so much as the world, in it's vast carelessness and this mad attempted of loving one thing then another, somehow maybe loving yourself back to life.

It's exhausting...

Give me books, a cup of tea, a kitty, and an open window, or a tree; over a room with walls, bar stools and a bunch of people trying desperately to make a good time out of living.

People are fascinating and my friends even more so. God gave us all such different temperaments and personalities oh such a great and wonderful diversity...and we all try to find someone that fits that personality, and in general me, and my friends have done  a great job.

I know my limits it's take me years to discover them, I with my insomnia the general stress in my life, my faith walk, I know when it's time for me to grab that book and find a secluded spot, and just sit. I understand others can't do that.

This world goes so fast, and we cram so much into every second of it, one thing to the next, a phone call to ta text to facebook, the world at your fingertips as they say. Where it's considered bad if you can not multitask...People marching past one after another all with a story an thought a personality and no one with time to just sit, and watch, read, close your eyes and just breathe, let alone talk about anything that  means anything.

We have to be busy filled with sounds, and surrounded by our stuff, and our friends.

Yes it's exhausting

and I'm reminded of how careless I so very often am, and how thoughtless I can be in words and actions.

"Be still and know, that I am God"

There is something to be said for staying home, alone with your thoughts and reflections, hopes, hurts and dreams. and maybe its those very things that we are so scared of that we are running from, drowning in a sea of endless noise and distraction logic and self gratification and consumerism I did it today with a simple watch..

That human thought maybe i'll feel better if...______ you fill in the blank

... Justification of the things God has given...peace is a grace he pours out on us, to be still and know that he is God...maybe I'll fill better if I remember to


To be on earth is not to be comfortable, if you go to church expecting to be patted on the back for a job well leave feeling like you've got it all figured out, then maybe it's time to sit down and examine exactly what your looking for from your faith from your church. Slow still...God loves you no matter what and in the mad rush to love everyone and everything to open your mind to new ideas and beliefs...

at what coast does exhaustion, consuming, socialization, and yes even some friendships have on your faith?

Be still and know that I am God. ~Psalm 46:10~

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

March on my soul, be strong

I'm tierd...

I know it's just a's just a cat on top of everything else.

My vacation even if it is just two days, can not come soon enough.

I'm tierd

But I know you can give me rest...

It's so easy in this sinful word to just stop trying life just keeps going without you. Then you look at the little things, sunshine on red hair, the simple prayer request of a child, that bible you have had since kindergarten, weddings of wonderful friends, whiskers on kittens..the cross. In the wake of a broken heart in the midst of a world out to prove you wrong...God showers you with blessings.

Take heart "I have overcome the world."

Is my life out of control or is my life out of my control...

And come the next day will your faith be shaken? In the face of the beast will you soul crumble. But be aware even when you think you are standing takes just as little to fall as it does to believe. No, we won't be shaken. I'm ganna have a Revelation kind of faith..

Though I am tired....above all I'm not called to function according to the way I feel, no I'm called to take Gods word and apply it to my life daily.

No, we won't be shaken, in the shelter of each other and by prayer and petition we will stand.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Suddenly it's a new day.

You know that dreadful life changing news, the kind that slowly stabs a knife into your gut until it dawns on you what it really means...the can't your not sure you can keep going on? Ever noticed how suddenly in the midst of all that's the next day....

Life changing maybe..but only for us and our plans

 Gods not surprised at all.

Right now as I type I feel like its all I can do, to not let my heart bleed out, through my fingers and there is no way I can get up tomorrow let alone work....but it's gonna come; that bright new morning and no
alright now
...but I will be
 the fact that there will be tomorrow 
proves that. 

Life changing yes, but not life ending and in the big mean face of reality of sin of humanity...where my own personal dreams and plans may have been just that...


And that
            Dear brothers and sisters in Christ
                                                     Is important to remember.

Tomorrow will come, and who knows maybe someday...........................

"For these present sufferings are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in us " when the world caves in. For who hopes for what he already has? 

What is hope?
                              It's ageless
An ageless expectation.

A hope through Jesus death on the cross, a promise of a life time..."for I know the plans declares The Lord..."

When I think I can't


My heart beats despite the tears and in its compasity to hope I know the mind...


The terrible life changing know the kind that eats at you, that paralyzes you...

I.m tired, and I'm worn....
and I'm Gods child.

And it is suddenly a new day with a new hope born again from the pain that helps you know it's not your life to control...

It's.not.Gods fault

It's Gods plan.and who am I to complain? 

"This is the day The Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!"

Life changing, hard to swallow, 

                                                                 but with God? 
He hasn't given me a chance to be weak no, hasn't given me a heart of fear 

God has been, will be, now and forever my strength and my song. 

"My comforter, my all in all."

~parts of passages from Romans 8, Jeremiah, and the hymn "In Christ Alone"~