Friday, February 4, 2011

It's funny how not having the internet changes things. I read more, play board games, and go to the gym. However, this has been missed. In fact married life is fantastic we had a blizzard on Tuesday night and had the following two days off, holed up in our apartment. Just Kevin, myself and the cats. It really was nice. It's nice to have it over as well. See the thing is I miss people. I find myself missing various parts of my life randomly. Wed, I wanted to play DDR and I found myself missing the Eclipse. The concerts, the Switch Kids, working the front door with SaraH. Chad and Dana, Cleve, Kelly, Amanda, Carrie L, Jason, Sam, Denny...Everyone...Then I find myself wondering what everyone is up to now. What happened to us. I feel like I got married and then I fell of the face of the earth. I work, I come home, I try to find somethign for dinner, I go to bed, I do it all again somehow at the end of each pay period I am still broke.... I am board. I know this is a sin. I'm not unhappy just restless. Not in my marriage but I want to do something....anything really.

I'm rambeling. I miss really I just miss people, people I knew and that knew me, who I use to be and what I use to dream. People I'm not friends with anymore or people that will never be friends again. I just miss...Summertime, Angel girl, Linedancing, the group it's amaizng really how many people you can miss in your life. How many people touch you and then after a season are just gone. You try to hang on but is it worth it? It's never going to be the same again it can't be life goes on...but we still miss. Then I just think how amazing humans really are and how frusterating we must be to God. I mean he pours out blessing after blessing and we take and take and take then wish and wish and wish for what we once had.

For example...I remember summer after summer after day after day, one bad relationship to the next thinking..When God when is it my turn send my a husband....watching my friends get married have babies.."when is it my turn" and here I turn came and went and I say...boy do I wish I could be single jsut long enough to spend a night with Angel like we use too. God linedancing and half heartedly pick out guys to pick on....Yes...we have to be annoying yet he loves us.

So this is what I strive for now waiting on Gods time to linedance again...since I have been asked to give it up for a time....I strive for contentment I pray for it daily and somewhere in the hollow of summers past I can find somethign to hold on to and I expectantly move forward to whats next, more summers...

I strive for contentment in a city, far from my family, making a life with my husband...doing it his way...I give up open fields, trees, fresh air until God tells me okay now it is time. It will be better that way I pray I pray for the contentment to go to pray. I am a wife, a daughter, a friend, and a worker, I can still have dreams they are just different...I am blessed.

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